Well . . .I haven’t written in a while. Hopefully I will start writing more and more at work . . .since I have so much down time. I have three jobs now . . .not that I want to really talk about them. I guess I will just go back to talking about my life in general.

Speaking of my life in general . . .did you catch the title of this post. No I am not going to talk about Beatles people vs. Elvis people, strong people vs. weak people or any other ways that others like to stereotype all people into two separate categories. Well, maybe. I would like to talk about Type A people vs. well, not Type A people.

I am not a Type A person. I have never really been a Type A person. I am a creative person. I like messes. I like chaos. While I hate stress and stressors and drama, I cannot stand order and organization to the point of dependency. “Everything has a place and place for everything . . .” Such a sing-song adage.

Type A people thrive on order, organization and all that entails. It seems so boring to me. Where is the creativity? What happens when you introduce a new element into that kind of atmosphere? How do you determine a place for that?? Where is the flexibility??

As I have probably mentioned in the past, I live with Samantha and Aiden . . .two of the biggest Type A personalities I have ever met. Being as I am the minority of the house, I am subject to random bitching-outs, because I am messy.

There is a reason for my messiness. I thrive on messiness. I need a mess . . .in fact I need many messes. I have a mess at my office, a mess in my car, a mess in my living environment . . .and I am ok with that. Samantha and Aiden cannot comprehend that I have and need a mess.

I need a mess . . .it gives me something to focus on when I am stressed or upset. Having a mess means that I am happy, content. If my car is clean, my office is clean, my living environment is clean . . .there is something seriously wrong.

I’m not filthy or dirty. I think a lot of people who need a mess are classified as lazy or a slob. So I can live with a mess and can’t live when anything is organized . . .does that make me a bad person? I don’t think so.

Tonight, I went out with some friends and had some drinks. When I called Samantha and Aiden for a ride home they didn’t want to leave the couch. I drove home, when I probably shouldn’t have and got home and was feeling pretty good about life in general after having a good time with some friends. After sitting on the couch (as mentioned above) I ended up getting into an argument with Aiden (Samantha supported his argument) about the mess on the stairs.

I have a mess on the stairs. I haven’t been upset enough to clean it up. I haven’t been upset enough for 3 months to clean it up. Nor do I have the space. Since Aiden moved-in in Feb. I have taken three loads to my parents barn for storage with at least another load to go. I have given away 6 bags of clothing (Wal-mart sized bags and bigger) with three more to go. When I initially moved in with Samantha two years ago, I condense my stuff by half (having only condense that stuff by half the year before). While Samantha and I had a roommate before Aiden, I didn’t have to give up that much stuff. However, I didn’t have Pye at that time, who, as it turns out, requires quite a bit of stuff. Since February, I have gotten rid of th 25% of what I had left. And I am out of space. The stuff on the stairs . . .waiting for a home (and even when it gets there, I will probably lose it. I can’t find stuff when it is organized!)

Tonight after having an argument with Aiden (and pissed with no support from Samantha, other than there will always be a mess on the stairs) I cleaned up my 5 ft closet (I had a walk-in at the last place I lived) and reorganized it again (after two months, I am a sick individual) and tried to find more places for everything. See, I only clean when I am upset.

I realized while I was cleaning somethings out. I got rid of a few things I don’t use or need. Thats fine. I am tired of living with Type A people who criticize how I do anything (including clean, which sometimes is better than they do it!). And if I want to keep my relationships with Samantha and Aiden, I need to move out. I need space, always have. And while I don’t have the money right now to do this, it’s probably best for everyone involved.

New lesson learned. . .when you are happy, tipsy, and feeling good about life in general . . .go to your room. Its less costly!

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I know that I haven’t written in a while . . .a good while. And I normally start my postings off with job search related material . . .but not tonight. Tonight is different. I didn’t find my dream job . . .not yet anyway.

So why is tonight different? Well . . .it’s because of the day I had. And the questioning that goes with the day I had.

For years, I feel almost as if everyday is a “bad day.” A bit of a pessimistic view I know, but I kinda feel that way. The song “Bad Day” by Fuel, kinda of sums up the way I most days. S*** happens everyday. Sometimes its terrible like you total out your car in an accident, a family member or friend dies, getting your a$$ chewed by your boss for an hour for something they did and not you, having overdrawn your bank account and pay-day is 10 days away and you have no food or gas. Sometimes its breaking the heel or sole on your shoe, being 5 mins late for work, or forgetting a loved one’s birthday.

Sometimes you feel like absolute dog s*** and there isn’t anything you can do and sometimes you feel that way because there was something you could have done.

This week, I partook in an action in which I feel that I flushed all of my overpriced education down the drain. I knew better than to participate in this action, and yet I did so anyway, because those that were encouraging me to partake “knew better” or knew more about this particular area than I did. Or did they, because I “knew better” than to do this action.

There comes several times in everyone’s life that you have to stand up for something that you know is right or know to be true . . .or at least somewhat true. While making the decision whether or not to go along with this, I debated and expressed my concerns over this action. The information was there black and white . . .refuting my knowledge. And yet, I still “knew better.”

While I have been going over this in my head all day, it is making me question my career choice . . .whether or not I can do what it is that I have educated myself to do. In a situation like this hindsight is always 20/20. Yet I didn’t need hindsight to tell me the outcome.

There is a time when the student becomes the teacher and yet I still feel like I need to be mentored. So did I pick the right profession if I can’t do the right thing?

Resumes submitted this week: 0

Applications submitted this week: 0

Interviews scheduled for the week: 0

New jobs to start this week: 1

Thing I am most grateful for: Additional income

So, the interview that I had earlier this week kind of went as planned. He didn’t know I was coming, but interviewed me anyway. Interview went on about 45 mins, yet felt like 2 hours. And today, I got the call that I got the job!!! I would just like to say that this is just a job. Not quite a career. Yet it pays decent, with the potential for a raise in 6 months.

Moving on . . .

I hope you all had a very nice Valentine’s/Singles Awareness Day. Some of my single friends had a tough day. I don’t know why, but Valentine’s day is easier when I am single then when I was in a relationship. There is no pressure to find the perfect gift, plan the perfect dinner, or find the sexiest lingerie.

My roommates, Samantha and Aiden still think that they can find me a man. Maybe the could, but I’m not sure I want one anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t start batting for the same-sex team. Yet, its like I know.

Samantha has recently been named maid-of-honor for a wedding in the summer for 2012. She has been working on planning guides and buying bridal magazines. Apparently The Knot has a big wedding dress issue this month.

Usually when I am in the kitchen cooking I work on doing some dishes and cleaning while waiting for water to boil and such. Lately, the dishes have been done and counters have been wiped down. So the other day, while waiting on my spaghetti to cook, I flipped through the issue of The Knot. There are some truly beautiful wedding dresses for this season. Yet, I couldn’t imagine myself in a single one. Page after page I looked at the wedding dresses. There wasn’t even one or two that I thought I would like with some alterations. NOT A SINGLE STINKIN DRESS!

I don’t know what that means . . .but I’m pretty sure that I am not the wedding isn’t in the cards for me. And surprisingly, I’m ok with that. What do you think?

Resumes sent out this week:0

Applications submitted this week: 0

Interview scheduled this week: 1 – kinda

Thing I am most grateful for: The little bonus in my paycheck and the two tins of margarita salt that I received on Friday.

So tomorrow morning I am supposed to get up and go to a job interview around 8:00 am. I’m not sure if I am to be expected or not, so we will see.

Some of you are questioning the aforementioned statements. So let me explain . . .

Last week I applied to a customer service job. Its part-time and it wouldn’t interfere with job 1. (It would replace job 2 . . .potentially.) The company that is offering the job is a local company and happens to be down the road from a long-time family friend. I knew when I told my mother she would be on the phone to this family friend who had an “in” with the owners of this company. Within a day of relaying the message to my mother, my mother called me up and told me to be at this company first thing on Monday morning.

It a little bit of “the good ol’ boys” system of getting things done. However, I’m not sure who I talk to and if they know I’m coming and all that goes with it. It hs been quite a while since I found a job with the good ol’ boys system.

Did I mention I need to be at Job 1 by 9:00 am?

And what do I say to my boss about why I am late tomorrow?? I need more money to I am going to a job interview before work for a job that will not interfere with this one, except for this one time that I need to go?

GRRR . . .I need another job (and potentially a third job) in the worst possible way, but starting off by not managing my time well isn’t starting out on the right foot.

Did I mention I still have to get my taxes done? Thats next week . . .here’s hoping for a very large return!

Resumes sent out this week: 2

Applications submitted this week: 0

Interviews scheduled for the week: 0

Thing I am most grateful for: Roommates who think snow shoveling is zen-like

This year I have been taking recycling a little more seriously. We found out that we can add co-mingling recycling to our trash service for an extra $5 a month. Almost everything can be recycled but glass. And since we don’t use that much glass we can take that every couple of months to the local recycling center.

So in an effort to be more environmentally friendly, I am recycling more than just plastic, aluminum and glass. Paper and cardboard have been added to the list. However, I am having a bit of a problem looking for that lovely recycling logo on a lot of my packages. You know the

It seems that the logo above is everywhere you look until you start looking for it. I always want to make sure that an item can be recycled before I throw it into the recycling bin. Heaven forbid I upset the person that has to sort my recycling. That person must thing either a) I am too over eager to save the world or b) I am too dumb to figure out what can be recycled.

As I tend to by a lot of generic or store brand items, I find it increasingly difficult to find the recycling logo. It seems that brand name items will usually encourage you to recycle and may have a little more social responsiblity in their packaging. I am seeing an increasing number of brand name items that are incorporating post-consumer materials or recycled contents in their packaging. Even my peanut butter (Peter Pan Whipped) is now using less plastic to create their peanut butter jars. (Fewer calories and plastic . . .how can that be?!?!?!)

Store brands and generics cannot compete it seems. However it would seem that less plastic and using post-consumer materials would help bring down the price of those cheap goodies I buy a lot of.

So while I am looking for those lovely recycling logos, I continue to recycle regardless. Hopefully, boosting my mother nature goodness points and not honking off those that have to sort my recycling.

Resumes sent out this week: 0

Applications submitted this week: 1

Interviews scheduled this week: 0

Thing I am most grateful for: Having a roof over my head . . .for now.

At night when it is time for me to go to sleep I try to concentrated on the ticking of the clock in my bathroom. While concentrating on the ticking I think of the future. I think of my fantasy man.

Every single girl (and some taken girls too) thinks about that man of her dreams, man of her current (celebrity) crush, or at least the idea of that man. For the past couple months the man of my dreams has been my celebrity crush . . .that was until last night . . .when he cheated on me.

If this is my fantasy, why did I choose to dream him up and have him do that to me. Did I mention in my fantasy I had also just found out I was pregnant when I found out he cheated on me?

Ok . . .how did my fantasy go awry? Is this indicative of how I see my future relationships going?

I have only been in one relationship where the guy cheated on me. And I didn’t find out until after we broke up. So, it’s not really a big concern of mine when I enter into a relationship. I mean, if a guy cheats on me, I would probably be upset and it would definitely be the end of the relationship.

I guess I should look at it through the perspective of celebrity and the power that’s behind it. How both men and women (some men and women, not all) want to be with someone who has some power. In my fantasy last night I caught my dream man cheating on me with some hot, skinny, attractive asian girl in a YouTube video. He was out hobnobbing at a bar and this girl plastered herself on him. The video was of them making-out with their hands all over each other.

I understand that celebrity has power. Look at Monica Lewinsky and Bill Clinton or Kevin Federline and Britney Spears. (btw . . .my (former) celebrity crush is not in politics or a back-up pop dancer . . .or involved in the music business). There is that pull of power.

Is there a lesson to be learned from all this?? I guess it might be don’t fall for the power of celebrity. Maybe its pick your celebrity crushes better.

BTW . . .I know in earlier posts I have mentioned that I was looking for a relationship opportunity. I haven’t found that yet. And it’s not looking good. I guess I really should be grateful that I am single, and that I am still happy that way. And I could live my life this way and be happy.

Resumes Sent Out This Week: 1

Applications Submitted This Week: 1

Interview Scheduled for This Week: 0

Thing I am most grateful for: SNOW DAY

Where I live if you get more than 3 inches of snow most everything closes or shuts down. I personally don’t venture out since my car is so low to the ground it doesn’t really move in 3 inches of snow, so I got to stay home today.

When I called into work they were understanding and I said I had some work that I could do at home. Which I could have . . .except I didn’t. I took a shower, did my hair, did a facial peel, got dressed in something other than pajamas changed the sheets, made the bed, did laundry, did dishes . . .twice, cooked breakfast and lunch for myself, attempted to clean soy wax out of a candle holder (btw . . .soy wax doesn’t come out easily and has the consistency and smell of motor oil) reorganized my linen storage, reorganized my underwear drawer, and cleaned up Dub’s living room accident (he pooped in the living room . . .again). I contemplated doing work . . .but it didn’t happen. I did check my work e-mail and check on the status of new orders, but other than that, nada!

When I stated at this job Thursdays were initially supposed to be my day off. But like most of the workers in the United States, I have opted to not take too many days off or sick days for 2 reasons. 1. I need the money. 2. Either the work I do isn’t going to get done or someone is going to do it and mess it up.

While I was productive today, I feel like I let everyone at work down. Basically all I was going to do today was cleanup a listserv and try a new recipe for the newsletter I write for the company I work for. While cleaning up the listserv might be better to be kept at the office, I should have at least tried out the new recipe.

I guess I shouldn’t wax on and on about what I didn’t do today and look at the accomplishments I did. And we will take tomorrow as it comes. And do the work that I didn’t do on this snow day.

I’m back. And it has definitely been a while. Why has it been awhile?

Well, as you may recall, in November, my 88-year-old grandmother fell and broke her arm. She was in a rehab facility (nursing home) for three weeks and then went back home. When she went back home I stayed the night with her every night for a month straight. I slept semi-upright in a recliner. I was there every night for 12 hours only to get up and go to one of my other jobs in the morning. I did get reprieve the Wednesday before Christmas. And I have been trying to get caught up on my sleep in a more horizontal position ever since.

I know, a month to get used to sleeping in a bed?? Well, at least two weeks. My grandmother would get up most nights every two hours to pee or take some medication or something. So I would sleep in about 45 min – 90 min increments. And every time she would get up and pee, I would have to get up and pee. So while I could sleep in my bed theoretically undisturbed, I got used to waking up every two hours or so and peeing a few times in the night. I had to retrain my sleep cycles and my bladder to sleep during the night and not be overactive.

So what about the week or so?? Well, I have a new roommate. Aiden is moving in!! It’s amazing how three people with master’s degrees that work at least two part-time jobs and have good work histories cannot find decent jobs!! So to save money Aiden is moving in to help pay the bills. It help to decrease the rent and cable bill (we have cable so we can have Internet to apply for jobs. Otherwise, we wouldn’t have it)and to shoulder the burden of the utility bill. So I have been trying to clean up the cat room, so that Aiden can have a place to sleep, and move all of Pye’s food, litter box, kitty condo and miscellaneous chemical to clean up her messes and keep everything smelling pleasant into my room. I had to move, pack, and get rid of so much. If one thing that living on my own has taught me is that I can constantly live on less than I thought or have.

Just to let you in on anything you might have missed, I did have one very good job interview in December, still waiting to here about that one. I have had some good job leads, but no other interviews. My second job has closed up shop until March for renovations, so I am looking for a second part-time job (maybe one that pays a little bit better than what I was getting).

Other than that, life has been pretty much the same. There was the incident on New Years, but I will save that one for later.

All in all . . .its good to be back!

Resumes sent out this week: 1

Applications filled out: 0

Interviews scheduled this week: 0

Thing I am grateful for: Coupons!

Ok 2 things:

1. I haven’t been sending out a lot of resumes and applications because I have been debating for the last month if I want to leave my job or suck it up and get a third job. Yesterday, I decided I want another job . . .badly! I like the place I’m working. However, I am kinda of tired with my boss.

I am tired of having every little aspect of my job dictated to me. I am tired of having to do my job in a way that isn’t conducive to achieve the goals that were dictated to me or that I want to achieve myself. And most importantly, I’m tired of part-time work. I am getting more hours as I it is coming up on our busy season, but its a lot of manual labor (which isn’t exactly a bad thing) but I am tired of my has turning color from coffee and flavorings.

Therefore, with renewed hope . . .I am looking for a new job.

2. Grandma broke her humorous . . .and it isn’t very funny. Grandma fell a week and a half ago and hasn’t been home since. She is in a nursing home for rehab in the hopes she will return home within a week or two. She it pissed and wants to go home right now. I go visit her after work almost every day to see her. I am suffering from what is termed caregiver burnout. I haven’t posted a new post because at night I come home tired and usually take a shower, maybe eat something and go to bed.

Whats most troubling is that mom, who moved here to help take care of her mother, isn’t doing so well. She has been diagnosed with AFib and given new medication which is working. Yet, my mother is also having stomach issues. She can’t eat without getting sick and has lost 15 lbs. within the past month. She has had a couple of test, one came out clean, the other we are still waiting on. I can’t imagine taking care of two people at the same time. However, I feel I will have to.

****Author’s Note – This post was supposed to be posted on Oct. 14, 2010. However, due to the content of this blog and the conscious state of the author it was not posted until this time. Please enjoy.****

Resumes sent out this week: 0

Applications submitted this week: 0

interviews set for this week: 0

Thing I am most grateful for: Mom’s cooking

Tonight, I am hurting . . .bad . . .and again. I suffer from back spasms. I have had them since high school. Sometimes they aren’t so bad, and sometimes they are so bad they take my breath away.

I have taken countless hot baths, spent time and countless jetted tubs, and swallowed hundreds of pills. Each time I swallow another pill, I wait for the euphoria to kick in.

Euphoria you ask? Why yes, euphoria. You know that feeling of ease when the pill start working. That feeling like you don’t have a care in the world and the stress of your day-to-day life melts away. You know, that feeling that get people addicted to pain killers?

Tonight that feeling of euphoria did not come easily. 4 ibuprofen, 2 rather large looking horse narcotics and two hot baths in the course of an hour. In fact, the pain was so bad when I started writing this post, I had to stop, lay flat on the floor, and stretch. When that didn’t work, I took the second of my baths.

Finally, I am still in pain, but not as bad. Here is a little secret for you . . .pain killers don’t really kill your pain, you just don’t feel it. However, your body is still reacting to the pain while you don’t feel it. Its true. Your breathing, while it slightly deepens, tends to remain shallow. Your heart rate, with it my slightly slow down, tends to be higher than your normal resting heart rate. And the muscles around your pain are still constrained.

Shortly I will go to sleep . . .predominately because those two rather large looking horse narcotics are kicking in. Tomorrow I will wake up and my back may or may not hurt. However, tonight, I am hurting, I am experiencing the euphoria of pills and a little piece of my liver is dying. The price you pay when your hurt and you don’t want to.