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Resumes sent out this week: 1

Applications filled out: 0

Interviews scheduled this week: 0

Thing I am grateful for: Coupons!

Ok 2 things:

1. I haven’t been sending out a lot of resumes and applications because I have been debating for the last month if I want to leave my job or suck it up and get a third job. Yesterday, I decided I want another job . . .badly! I like the place I’m working. However, I am kinda of tired with my boss.

I am tired of having every little aspect of my job dictated to me. I am tired of having to do my job in a way that isn’t conducive to achieve the goals that were dictated to me or that I want to achieve myself. And most importantly, I’m tired of part-time work. I am getting more hours as I it is coming up on our busy season, but its a lot of manual labor (which isn’t exactly a bad thing) but I am tired of my has turning color from coffee and flavorings.

Therefore, with renewed hope . . .I am looking for a new job.

2. Grandma broke her humorous . . .and it isn’t very funny. Grandma fell a week and a half ago and hasn’t been home since. She is in a nursing home for rehab in the hopes she will return home within a week or two. She it pissed and wants to go home right now. I go visit her after work almost every day to see her. I am suffering from what is termed caregiver burnout. I haven’t posted a new post because at night I come home tired and usually take a shower, maybe eat something and go to bed.

Whats most troubling is that mom, who moved here to help take care of her mother, isn’t doing so well. She has been diagnosed with AFib and given new medication which is working. Yet, my mother is also having stomach issues. She can’t eat without getting sick and has lost 15 lbs. within the past month. She has had a couple of test, one came out clean, the other we are still waiting on. I can’t imagine taking care of two people at the same time. However, I feel I will have to.


I can’t sleep. Can you? What’s your secret?

Lately I have had a bout of insomnia. When I was in class, I thought it was just the stress of class that was keeping me from sleeping. The night I got my grade, I slept for 13 hours! So, I just assumed that now I don’t have the stress of class, I can start sleeping again.

And you know what they say about assuming things . . .so I reconsidered my sleep strategy. I have been cutting back on my caffeine consumption (I have had 1 caffeinated beverage in the past two days). If I have caffeine it has to be before 4 pm. I haven’t had much liquor either (with the exception of the Lady Gaga contest and tonight.) So, why can’t I sleep.

Well, new idea, I am still stressed.. Stressed about finding a job, stressed about my living situation, and stressed about moving in with my parents. Don’t get me wrong, Samantha and I are fine, I am just concerned when she is going to get a job and leave me alone in this town with my parents.

Ok . . .don’t get me wrong about my parents, either. They are just really conservative people. They eat breakfast, lunch and dinner at the same time everyday. They are both retired so they are home all the time. They don’t travel. So I will be spending many, many hours with them . . .no friends, no boys and no booze!

As I try to sleep each night (still watching episodes of Dawson’s Creek), I try to envision the life I want for myself. Where will I live, what kinds of friends will I have, what will this life look like. I think I might be getting too excited over a life I don’t have yet and a little depressed about the one in which I will be shortly living.

Oh, reality . . .you are such a b****, aren’t you? Just when I think life is about to begin, I have to move in with my parents? That’s attractive! Thanks reality for humbling me and reminding me of my place in this world. I guess that’s why western medicine has a pill for everything. DOPE ME UP!

Days to Graduation: 10

Final Grade: Still Unknown

Likelihood of Graduating: Slim to none

As I left you a couple of days ago, my life is still up in the air. I did receive an e-mail (actually 2 e-mails) from my professor today. (She forgot half of what she wanted to say in the first one.) She wanted to know why I left out a slide out of my presentation (I incorporated it with another slide to condense the presentation, without losing the important parts) and what was the story being conveyed by my interviewee (the story was irrelevant, the purpose behind the story was more important!). With this new development, I feel pretty sealed in my fate.

Moving on . . .

A couple of my friends kinda of know what this class is doing to me physically (just for the record, I’m having problems sleeping, I’m losing my hair by the handfuls in the shower, and I binge eat as if there were no tomorrow which leads to, upset stomach and heart burn. Not to mention, if I do get any sleep I am sometimes woken up to throw up in the middle of the night, just for fun! Really it’s not fun.) so they decided I needed a little pick-me-up.

Three months ago they purchased tickets to see Lady Gaga in Kansas City. One person backed out, so instead of letting all of facebook know about the ticket, they let me get first dibs. Sometimes opportunities show themselves and while you don’t have the money you just have to take the bull by the horns and let what will be to be. I was going to see Gaga come Hell or high water (neither of which has ensued . . .yet.)

So yesterday with my friend “Danielle” we took off for KC to meet up with Aiden and Samantha. Now, I do have to give a major shout out to Aiden as he booked us a sweet hotel in KC with an awesome view of the skyline and a free shuttle to the Sprint Center!

We arrived in KC about 4:30 and headed out dinner shortly. If you are ever in KC (either Kansas or Missouri side) look up your closest Bo Ling’s . . .you won’t be sorry. After dinner and a short trip to CVS (I left all of my make-up at home . . .GRRRR!) is was time to get ready for GAGA!

Make-up . . . check, camera . . .check, tickets . . .check, outfit . . .ok . . .so at times I felt as if I was dressed appropriately for a concert, and other times . . .not so much. Ok . . .so I didn’t wrap myself in CAUTION tape, or wear 4 inch heels, or hike up my skirt to you could see the trim of my bikini wax. (Just to let you know I wore navy blue capri leggings, a lace cami under a white wife beater, and a black vest with sandels.) True I was dressed better than the average (and sometimes creative) soccer mom, but not dressed as a true Gaga fan. (i.e caution tape outfits, black leather pants and heals, miles upon miles of white chiffon and tulle with a giant wand, and don’t forget the electrical tape pasties!)

So we make it to the Sprint center about 15 mins. before the show starts. Go to the bathroom, get a drink and get to our seat just in time to see the opening act . . .Semi Precious Weapons. More on that one tomorrow, as I need to take some allergy medication and call it a night.

Days To Graduation: 20

Stress Level: Off all charts

So tonight I had a break down. Not a big one, but still moderately sized. And I realize some things . . .I am not an analytical person! I hate structure! My boundaries are organic in nature. So to put me in a square box, does not work, and tends to make me very cranky!

It’s why I hate the class I am taking. It’s why I am so stressed out. Its I am now afraid to enter the world of work.

I was excited to graduate and find a job. And now I’m afraid I will get another inflexible boss to tells me to be flexible in a rigid world. It doesn’t work. Since I moved back to my hometown, I have had nothing but inflexible bosses who tell me to be flexible in inflexible situations they have created. I doesn’t work . . .

I am also afraid I will be a round peg in a square hole . . .meaning that I fit, but not entirely. Of course, that is my life. I have never fit in. I am truly a non-conformist. I have problems conforming, because conforming = structure and as we learn . . .I don’t do well with structure.

I am ready to move on with my life. I am ready to prove that I can move half-way across the country and be fine by myself. I am just afraid of the work environment. Oh well . . .here goes nothing!

Days to graduation: 21

Today I was lazy . . .really, really lazy. I bought 2 meals out, 2 air filters, picked up my clothes on layaway, changed an air filter on the furnace . . .and that’s really about it. I just couldn’t bring myself to do my homework.

When I get really stressed out, I tend to put as much space between myself and my stressor. I really can’t afford a day off like today, however since I slept like 12 + hours today, something is telling me that I needed this.

So tonight I am going to sleep knowing what tomorrow brings . . .lots of work. Maybe today helped me prepare for tomorrow . . .maybe.

I’m posting a bit early today. Most days I don’t post until after 8:00 pm, but I fear I won’t make it that far today. I have been overtaken by my last class. The stress had gotten to me. Last night before I went to bed I had about 4 Rolaid Soft Chews.

I didn’t get to sleep until after 1 am. Then at 4 am, I was awoken by the stomach acid that was lining my esophagus and throat. I really wanted more sleep, yet I couldn’t push away the overwhelming urge to throw up. I tried to throw up, I really did. Finally after belching away for 30 mins (gross . . .I know) and 4 more Rolaid Soft Chew I went back to bed 45 mins. later, only to be awoken 3 hours later by my alarm. After accidentally turning it off, I overslept and was late to work by 20 mins.

Work was blah, and all I wanted to do was come home and work on my homework and final project. With most of part 2 of my final project done, and a cold shower (since I feel like I’m walking on the Sun right now) I am now typing this lovely diatribe. I am going to take a nap about 5 mins. after I finish this, and hope when I wake up I feel better. Or at least good enough to do my homework tonight. (I am predicting 3 hours, as it took me 2 hours last week).

I leave you good folks out in Cyberland (no Rent definition applies) with a head full of sleep and a stomach full or churning acid. Yesterday, I was worried I might not get through this class in one piece. Today, I am just trying to make it through the week in one piece. I’ll let you know how that goes.

Days to Graduation: 26

Today I kinda of confused. Which let me to be upset most of this evening. This my last class has become overwhelming. And I feel like I have been doing all the leg work for my instructors research (while I have no formal evidence of this . . .it was like a duck, quack like a duck . . .just saying). I am working hard-core at both jobs, sending out resumes and trying to pack up my life for the 7th time in five years. UM . .. HELP PLEASE!

Seriously . . .I don’t have the time to deal with this s***! And I don’t particularly want to. Its times like these I am reminded that I am an adult, life isn’t fair, and I will make it through this . . .at least I hope so.

So tonight I am going to go to bed early. Tomorrow I will go to work, come home and work ferociously on my homework. I’m just going to try to pass this last class. Any advise, would be helpful!

Days to Graduation:28

Stress Level: Code Orange but slowly coming down

Today has been the end of one very eventful week. Very stressful. So tonight, I was able to take it easy. After I finished my assignment for class I got some dinner, the new InStyle mag, and one thing I don’t think I could live with out . . .a bubble bath.

I’m not very girly. I would rather play in the mud, be one of the guys and most of the single men I know are gay. If I had to wear make-up everyday, I would cry. But one girly thing that I like to do is take a bubble bath every now and then. Usually I would have a glass of wine (or a beer) with my bath, but tonight I simply enjoyed the sounds of classical music and a facial mask.

I have recently had to re-learn how to cope with stressful situations. I can’t drink, I can’t binge eat, I can’t take pills . . .I just have to learn to be. This week saw no shortage of want for any of the things above. I know that I will make it through any situation I may face . . .its just getting from point A to point B I’m a little worried about. I wonder what helps other get from point A to point B? Coffee, Chocolate, Cookies . . .oh my!

After making it through this week, I thought I would reward myself, and my bath was just what I needed. I wish I could have stayed in there all night . . .but after 35 mins. I was just a little more than prune-y.

At the end of yoga class my instructor used to lead us through a guided meditation. Sometimes is was about us and our personality, sometimes it was guiding us toward a calm and serene place, and sometimes it was a visualization of a word like peace, abundance, or joy. She would ask us to visualize what that word meant to us, so that when we saw it during the week, we would better recognize it. I never imagined that a bath would bring me all of those things!

Ok, as most of you know I am about to graduate from college with my master’s degree . . .maybe. Right now I am taking an online summer class. The instructor seems to think that everyone in the class has nothing better to do than homework all day everyday. I spent two hours on Monday Night reading 5 scholarly journal articles and 3 book chapters and answering 7 rather lengthy discussion questions. I was brain-dead afterward.

I realize I am in a graduate level class. I realize graduate level coursework is demanding. Yet, I feel like this class is verbose for the sake of being verbose. This week my assignments include:

1. Doing the course reading
2. Answering the discussion questions and post them to the discussion thread, by Tuesday at 11:00 pm
3. Reading at least three other posts and comment/ask questions about them by Thursday at 11:00 pm
4. Read an article by an entrepreneur about when they started their ventures and write a 1-2 page essay complete with title and reference page in APA format by Friday at 8:00 pm
5. Finish parts 1 and 2 (of 5) of the final project by 8:00 pm on Monday.

Seriously? I have been trying to dig in my heels like Elle Woods, but that was a movie. She didn’t have to work going through school. She could spend all the time she wanted studying for class. And she persevered through. While I am preserving through and trying to think that there are so many people in class that have it worse than I do (i.e. people with full-time jobs and families, or my friend who just started training at a new job and working 14 hour days).

So here is where I am going to stop. I need to finish some laundry and start working on my essay. Its time to suck it up . . .man up . . .and just do it. Your help and prayers would be greatly appreciated!

When you think of a comforting scent what do you think of? Sun-dried laundry, fresh-baked goods, a beautiful spring bouquet, summer cured hay? How about acetone and acrylic glue?

When I get stressed out my favorite place to go is the nail salon. The smell of acetone for some reason is comforting. I enjoy my monthly eyebrow wax. Its like 15 mins. of pure bliss. And the massaging pedicure chair . . .I think every home should have one.

I have been putting off getting my brows waxed for like a month. However, today I could no longer take it. I also decided to treat myself to a pedicure as it had been a month and a half since I had one of those. My 15 mins. of bliss turned into an hour! I couldn’t have been happier.

Today wasn’t that stressful to tell the truth. Yet, with graduation fast approaching and trying to pass this last class, I feel stressed out all the time. I sometimes wonder if people confuse the stressful day on a stressful situation, when infact the work done in that day help to knock some of the stress out of the situtation. Some days I come home from work and school absolutely dragging the ground, ready for bed. I feel absolutely weighed down by all the things still left to accomplish. And when I finally accomplish something, its replaced by 5 more items. While I am working 2 jobs and trying to finish a graduate degree, I feel like this shouldn’t be that hard. Like other people have it worse than me. I’m not a single-parent working 2 jobs to keep food on the table. I’m not a brilliant surgeon, performing hours long surgeries to save countless lives. So . . .what am I so stressed about? You tell me . . .what are you stress about? And how does that make you feel?