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I know that I haven’t written in a while . . .a good while. And I normally start my postings off with job search related material . . .but not tonight. Tonight is different. I didn’t find my dream job . . .not yet anyway.

So why is tonight different? Well . . .it’s because of the day I had. And the questioning that goes with the day I had.

For years, I feel almost as if everyday is a “bad day.” A bit of a pessimistic view I know, but I kinda feel that way. The song “Bad Day” by Fuel, kinda of sums up the way I most days. S*** happens everyday. Sometimes its terrible like you total out your car in an accident, a family member or friend dies, getting your a$$ chewed by your boss for an hour for something they did and not you, having overdrawn your bank account and pay-day is 10 days away and you have no food or gas. Sometimes its breaking the heel or sole on your shoe, being 5 mins late for work, or forgetting a loved one’s birthday.

Sometimes you feel like absolute dog s*** and there isn’t anything you can do and sometimes you feel that way because there was something you could have done.

This week, I partook in an action in which I feel that I flushed all of my overpriced education down the drain. I knew better than to participate in this action, and yet I did so anyway, because those that were encouraging me to partake “knew better” or knew more about this particular area than I did. Or did they, because I “knew better” than to do this action.

There comes several times in everyone’s life that you have to stand up for something that you know is right or know to be true . . .or at least somewhat true. While making the decision whether or not to go along with this, I debated and expressed my concerns over this action. The information was there black and white . . .refuting my knowledge. And yet, I still “knew better.”

While I have been going over this in my head all day, it is making me question my career choice . . .whether or not I can do what it is that I have educated myself to do. In a situation like this hindsight is always 20/20. Yet I didn’t need hindsight to tell me the outcome.

There is a time when the student becomes the teacher and yet I still feel like I need to be mentored. So did I pick the right profession if I can’t do the right thing?

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I’m back. And it has definitely been a while. Why has it been awhile?

Well, as you may recall, in November, my 88-year-old grandmother fell and broke her arm. She was in a rehab facility (nursing home) for three weeks and then went back home. When she went back home I stayed the night with her every night for a month straight. I slept semi-upright in a recliner. I was there every night for 12 hours only to get up and go to one of my other jobs in the morning. I did get reprieve the Wednesday before Christmas. And I have been trying to get caught up on my sleep in a more horizontal position ever since.

I know, a month to get used to sleeping in a bed?? Well, at least two weeks. My grandmother would get up most nights every two hours to pee or take some medication or something. So I would sleep in about 45 min – 90 min increments. And every time she would get up and pee, I would have to get up and pee. So while I could sleep in my bed theoretically undisturbed, I got used to waking up every two hours or so and peeing a few times in the night. I had to retrain my sleep cycles and my bladder to sleep during the night and not be overactive.

So what about the week or so?? Well, I have a new roommate. Aiden is moving in!! It’s amazing how three people with master’s degrees that work at least two part-time jobs and have good work histories cannot find decent jobs!! So to save money Aiden is moving in to help pay the bills. It help to decrease the rent and cable bill (we have cable so we can have Internet to apply for jobs. Otherwise, we wouldn’t have it)and to shoulder the burden of the utility bill. So I have been trying to clean up the cat room, so that Aiden can have a place to sleep, and move all of Pye’s food, litter box, kitty condo and miscellaneous chemical to clean up her messes and keep everything smelling pleasant into my room. I had to move, pack, and get rid of so much. If one thing that living on my own has taught me is that I can constantly live on less than I thought or have.

Just to let you in on anything you might have missed, I did have one very good job interview in December, still waiting to here about that one. I have had some good job leads, but no other interviews. My second job has closed up shop until March for renovations, so I am looking for a second part-time job (maybe one that pays a little bit better than what I was getting).

Other than that, life has been pretty much the same. There was the incident on New Years, but I will save that one for later.

All in all . . .its good to be back!

Resumes sent out this week: 0

Interviews this week: 0

Applications this week: 0

Thing I am most grateful for: Ramen Noodles

I stand at crossroads and not sure what to take. If I listen to Robert Frost, I would take the road not travelled. Yet the road not travelled requires more money than I have. The road that has been travelled costs less, but keeps me further from where I want to be. Life just sometimes sucks.

Maybe I should look at this as the unanswered prayer. True I do want to stick around where I live to be closer to my grandmother in her final months. However, who knows when those final months will come. She says she has been dying for 4 years now. She doesn’t have cancer or some other kind of rapidly mutating disease (well, she does have Congestive Heart Failure, but its at the beginning stages. She isn’t quite glued to her oxygen yet).

If I stay here, I will need to find a job. Samantha has proven that is increasingly difficult. Samantha, who has a MBA, recently applied for a part-time teller position at a bank, since there really isn’t any need for her degree. My degree has even less potential here. Trying to find a third part-time job is also proving impossible, unless I want to work retail. Right now, I can’t work on my feet as much as I would like. I hurt so bad every night I come home and have been working more than 5 hours on my feet.

Getting out of Dodge was not to start over or find the man of my dreams (which I don’t think I will find here). It was to see how other people live. To see how other people in this country move within a culture (like eastern seaboard culture or Californian culture). I figure I will be different, I will stand out, but I have always been that way.

I haven’t applied for work for the past week because I am simply afraid. I am afraid that I will not find what I am looking for, or that I will find it and be too sacred to accept it. I am also afraid that if I don’t act soon, the road will no longer be crossed and I will have take what I can get. And I am tired of being afraid.

Resumes sent out this week: 2

Applications filled out: 1

Interviews this week: 0

Thing I am most grateful for today: Tylenol PM

So, it’s becoming more and more apparent that I am not making enough money to survive. I have about $48 in my bank account. More than most, but not great. Samantha’s b-day is tomorrow. We are going to a bar for a Glee watch party. On Wednesday we are going out dinner. I can’t afford either outing or a gift. I thought about giving her a coupon book (like a free clean your bathroom, or free wash your car), however, her cleaning standards are better than mine, so that won’t work.

Today, I took my problems in my own hands. I sent a resume to Andrea at work. The law office is looking for part-time general office workers. I also filled out an application for national chain home decor store. Fingers crossed.

I have never taken on three jobs at once. I did for a short time work full-time, attend school full-time and work Job 2 once a month. That was hard!

I feel as if I don’t have a choice anymore. I have to stay here and find a big-girl job, and there isn’t as many opportunities for my field. So I am def feeling trapt!

This week my goal is to find part-time employment. Lets see how this experiment goes!

Resumes sent out this week: 6

Upcoming interviews: 1!

Well. . . work is definitely not paying the bills. Looking for part-time work when you aren’t sure what you schedule is going to be from week to week. I already work 2 part-time jobs and looking for a third. So this should be interesting.

A few years ago I was laid-off. Trying to apply for unemployment and other misc. funds was frustrating. To get my unemployment I had to apply for 3 jobs per week. And sometimes it was slim-pickings as I was limited to the area (where I live) where I could work. It took me the better part of 4 months with a less than ideal money situation, but I found a job.

Flash forward a couple of years. I am applying for job in several states and different parts of the country. And while I am not finding a limited supply of jobs as I did in the past, I am finding it hard to break into these new job markets for the simple fact I don’t live there. Most companies are not willing to pay for relocation expenses and aren’t open to accept applications from applicants who aren’t local.

So what’s a girl to do. I feel as if I should be getting paid to send out all these resumes as I am not getting any pay off in the end (i.e. interviews or job offers). I often felt that way when I was unemployed and looking everyday for a job. Some days I would spend all day just trying to find something to apply to.

I guess I will just keep applying and seeing what is out there. The interview I have coming up was for a job that actually found me. So we will see how it goes. I’ll keep you posted!

Saturday morning I graduated!!!! I now have a Master of Arts in Communications!!! Weird . . .huh?

For the first time, graduation became surreal and abstract. This was my third graduation ceremony. I find it hard that I have mastered anything. So I find it even harder that now I have a hood and a diploma to prove this. It’s as if there is now a weight upon me. I guess what I find so hard is that the thing that I thought would help to liberate me even further is now a burden.

Getting a master’s degree was something that I always I would figured I would do someday, but not something that I planned on doing. I didn’t even know what I would get my master’s in.

Yet I did it, and now I need to find out what I am going to do next. Any suggestions??

I’m for hire! No like a prostitute (GROSS and ILLEGAL)! Aiden and Samantha are also for hire! We are searching for the all important Grown-Up job!

Ah yes, the grown-up job. It seems as if it is something fictional like fairies, vampires, wizards and werewolves. Maybe someone can write a story that is epic and Tolkien-esque, or an edge-of-your-seat thriller like any of the Twilight books (or so they are supposed to be . . .I have never read them. Or Tolkien for that matter. Its like metaphor . . .just sayin’.)

Maybe I should write a book or series of book about this fictional “grown-up” job. What would I call it . . Aiden, Samantha and I and the Job Search with later titles including ,Samantha: 4 Out-of-Town Interviews and a Rejection Phone Call or Aiden and the Endless submission of Resumes.

I do have a plan. Is a short-term plan. I plan to send out 5-7 resumes a week. That’s as far as I have gotten. I am hoping to land at least 1 interview from this, per week. That’s as far as I have gotten. And I have only sent out 2 this week. And out of the 9 resumes I have sent out this month, I have gotten 0 interviews. So far, my plan isn’t working. And I’m not sure how to re-work my plan. Any suggestions?

As I am sitting here writing this post, I am watching Capitalism: A Love Story with Samantha and Aiden. It’s so subjective it’s making me sick! But it does have me concerned. So, I am carrying on with the job search, if nothing better than to prove Michael Moore Wrong!

I have one more project to do, and I am done with my class. I have until Sunday night at 8:00, so I have plenty of time. Finally, I can feel the stress melting away.

Tomorrow, I have what I am calling a cattle call interview. It’s really an “informational session” for an insurance company. I don’t really want to sell insurance. In fact, I don’t want to sell anything. It’s really funny when companies find out you have a marketing degree, they think you wanna do is sell, sell, sell! So, tomorrow, I am gonna go in there with my head held high, pay attention to the information, and walk out of there letting them know I am not interested in selling what ever it is they sell.

Ok, so you may be asking yourself, what is it that you are going to do with your marketing degree. Well, I am doing what I want to do currently. I do web-based marketing for a small speciality foods company. Ok . . .another question you are asking yourself is, if you are already doing what you want to do, why are you looking for a new job. Several factors influence that answer.

1. This job is temporary and can end at a moments notice
2. This job is only part-time
3. I need to get out of this town and state for a little while
4. After my friends graduate, there will be nothing to really keep me here other than a few family members.
5. Life with mom and dad is not so pretty . . .sure the bills are paid . . .but no boys, no booze, no fun!

So right now, my main focus is to finish my project and find a way to get out of Dodge, if you know what I mean. I will use tomorrow as practice for any other interviews that may come my way. Anyone out there face the same thing?

Days To Graduation: 20

Stress Level: Off all charts

So tonight I had a break down. Not a big one, but still moderately sized. And I realize some things . . .I am not an analytical person! I hate structure! My boundaries are organic in nature. So to put me in a square box, does not work, and tends to make me very cranky!

It’s why I hate the class I am taking. It’s why I am so stressed out. Its I am now afraid to enter the world of work.

I was excited to graduate and find a job. And now I’m afraid I will get another inflexible boss to tells me to be flexible in a rigid world. It doesn’t work. Since I moved back to my hometown, I have had nothing but inflexible bosses who tell me to be flexible in inflexible situations they have created. I doesn’t work . . .

I am also afraid I will be a round peg in a square hole . . .meaning that I fit, but not entirely. Of course, that is my life. I have never fit in. I am truly a non-conformist. I have problems conforming, because conforming = structure and as we learn . . .I don’t do well with structure.

I am ready to move on with my life. I am ready to prove that I can move half-way across the country and be fine by myself. I am just afraid of the work environment. Oh well . . .here goes nothing!

After 2 years of intensive graduate work I am about to become a grown-up again. In fact, after working on my homework for class I brushed up my resume and sent it to three different companies in three different states. I am ready to go . . .so I think.

I love the city in which I live. Its home, always has been . . .always will be. But I want to see how other people live. I am ready for an adventure. And that’s how I kind of view this next aspect of my life . . .an adventure. I know I will make friends and meet new people. Yet I am a little hesitant to leave everyone I know behind. Samantha wants to move to Saint Louis to be closer to several of her friends. Aiden is waiting to see where we all end up, because he doesn’t want to be somewhere with people he doesn’t know. I would rather us all move to different places . . .so that we can visit each other and see different place in the country or even the world. Yet I seem to be the only one venturing outside of the state!

Am I crazy, or are my friends crazy?? Maybe we are all crazy . . .either way, we are grown-up and capable of making our own decisions. So here I go . . .ready to walk into the unknown!