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Resumes sent out this week: 1

Applications filled out: 0

Interviews scheduled this week: 0

Thing I am grateful for: Coupons!

Ok 2 things:

1. I haven’t been sending out a lot of resumes and applications because I have been debating for the last month if I want to leave my job or suck it up and get a third job. Yesterday, I decided I want another job . . .badly! I like the place I’m working. However, I am kinda of tired with my boss.

I am tired of having every little aspect of my job dictated to me. I am tired of having to do my job in a way that isn’t conducive to achieve the goals that were dictated to me or that I want to achieve myself. And most importantly, I’m tired of part-time work. I am getting more hours as I it is coming up on our busy season, but its a lot of manual labor (which isn’t exactly a bad thing) but I am tired of my has turning color from coffee and flavorings.

Therefore, with renewed hope . . .I am looking for a new job.

2. Grandma broke her humorous . . .and it isn’t very funny. Grandma fell a week and a half ago and hasn’t been home since. She is in a nursing home for rehab in the hopes she will return home within a week or two. She it pissed and wants to go home right now. I go visit her after work almost every day to see her. I am suffering from what is termed caregiver burnout. I haven’t posted a new post because at night I come home tired and usually take a shower, maybe eat something and go to bed.

Whats most troubling is that mom, who moved here to help take care of her mother, isn’t doing so well. She has been diagnosed with AFib and given new medication which is working. Yet, my mother is also having stomach issues. She can’t eat without getting sick and has lost 15 lbs. within the past month. She has had a couple of test, one came out clean, the other we are still waiting on. I can’t imagine taking care of two people at the same time. However, I feel I will have to.

****Author’s Note – This post was supposed to be posted on Oct. 14, 2010. However, due to the content of this blog and the conscious state of the author it was not posted until this time. Please enjoy.****

Resumes sent out this week: 0

Applications submitted this week: 0

interviews set for this week: 0

Thing I am most grateful for: Mom’s cooking

Tonight, I am hurting . . .bad . . .and again. I suffer from back spasms. I have had them since high school. Sometimes they aren’t so bad, and sometimes they are so bad they take my breath away.

I have taken countless hot baths, spent time and countless jetted tubs, and swallowed hundreds of pills. Each time I swallow another pill, I wait for the euphoria to kick in.

Euphoria you ask? Why yes, euphoria. You know that feeling of ease when the pill start working. That feeling like you don’t have a care in the world and the stress of your day-to-day life melts away. You know, that feeling that get people addicted to pain killers?

Tonight that feeling of euphoria did not come easily. 4 ibuprofen, 2 rather large looking horse narcotics and two hot baths in the course of an hour. In fact, the pain was so bad when I started writing this post, I had to stop, lay flat on the floor, and stretch. When that didn’t work, I took the second of my baths.

Finally, I am still in pain, but not as bad. Here is a little secret for you . . .pain killers don’t really kill your pain, you just don’t feel it. However, your body is still reacting to the pain while you don’t feel it. Its true. Your breathing, while it slightly deepens, tends to remain shallow. Your heart rate, with it my slightly slow down, tends to be higher than your normal resting heart rate. And the muscles around your pain are still constrained.

Shortly I will go to sleep . . .predominately because those two rather large looking horse narcotics are kicking in. Tomorrow I will wake up and my back may or may not hurt. However, tonight, I am hurting, I am experiencing the euphoria of pills and a little piece of my liver is dying. The price you pay when your hurt and you don’t want to.