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Thing I am most grateful for: Having a roof over my head . . .for now.

At night when it is time for me to go to sleep I try to concentrated on the ticking of the clock in my bathroom. While concentrating on the ticking I think of the future. I think of my fantasy man.

Every single girl (and some taken girls too) thinks about that man of her dreams, man of her current (celebrity) crush, or at least the idea of that man. For the past couple months the man of my dreams has been my celebrity crush . . .that was until last night . . .when he cheated on me.

If this is my fantasy, why did I choose to dream him up and have him do that to me. Did I mention in my fantasy I had also just found out I was pregnant when I found out he cheated on me?

Ok . . .how did my fantasy go awry? Is this indicative of how I see my future relationships going?

I have only been in one relationship where the guy cheated on me. And I didn’t find out until after we broke up. So, it’s not really a big concern of mine when I enter into a relationship. I mean, if a guy cheats on me, I would probably be upset and it would definitely be the end of the relationship.

I guess I should look at it through the perspective of celebrity and the power that’s behind it. How both men and women (some men and women, not all) want to be with someone who has some power. In my fantasy last night I caught my dream man cheating on me with some hot, skinny, attractive asian girl in a YouTube video. He was out hobnobbing at a bar and this girl plastered herself on him. The video was of them making-out with their hands all over each other.

I understand that celebrity has power. Look at Monica Lewinsky and Bill Clinton or Kevin Federline and Britney Spears. (btw . . .my (former) celebrity crush is not in politics or a back-up pop dancer . . .or involved in the music business). There is that pull of power.

Is there a lesson to be learned from all this?? I guess it might be don’t fall for the power of celebrity. Maybe its pick your celebrity crushes better.

BTW . . .I know in earlier posts I have mentioned that I was looking for a relationship opportunity. I haven’t found that yet. And it’s not looking good. I guess I really should be grateful that I am single, and that I am still happy that way. And I could live my life this way and be happy.

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Resumes submitted this week: 2

ROMEO
I dream’d a dream to-night.
MERCUTIO
And so did I.
ROMEO
Well, what was yours?
MERCUTIO
That dreamers often lie.
ROMEO
In bed asleep, while they do dream things true.
MERCUTIO
O, then, I see Queen Mab hath been with you.
—William Shakespeare

I have weird dream. Seriously weird. I can usually recall two or three of my dreams each night. And they just get weirder as the night progresses. And last night was no different.

I kept on waking up in the middle of the night, each dream was weirder than the last. I remember the first one as I was in a tall office building, the kind where they have two elevators to go to different parts of the building. I was looking out a window on a sunny day. All of the sudden here come a miniature tornado, barreling towards the building I’m in. I remember thinking, “how odd, that tornado doesn’t go all the way to the sky, yet it is going to bring this building down.” And then I woke up.

I was a little shaken so I turned the tv on. I continued to have weird dreams all night. Waking up every hour or two. And then I had the weirdest dream of all . . .I was getting married!

Yes, something I freak out about . . .getting married. What was really odd about this marriage was the fact that it was at 11:00 am and I was picking out my dress at 10:40 am and I wasn’t even sure the groom was going to show up. Like I was having this wedding and I forgot to tell the groom when it was. And apparently everyone else. As I went to pick up/out my dress I passed by 5 churches and everyone would come out and ask me if this was the time and location of the wedding. I was grateful my cousin was there to keep me on track for my wedding.

Even weirder . . .I had already pick out my wedding colors (a very deep, rich purple and a very brilliant white). These are not the colors I would like to think I would pick for my wedding. I had also picked out the bridesmaid’s dresses. They were strapless (yuck!) purple a-line ball gowns with beading around the bust and down the sides. And the photographer also knew about the colors and bridesmaids before I said anything.

I did a little dream interpretation and it said that a dream like this represents the union of my masculine and feminine characteristics. HUH? Say what?? I thought it would be something along the lines of my anxieties towards commitment . . .but I guess I will go with this. As I look back on the dream, I wasn’t nervous about marrying someone I fictious, I was nervous that the groom wouldn’t show up because he didn’t know when the wedding was taking place.

Maybe this does represent a union of something. Maybe its contradictions. As I don’t want to marry, but I am looking to start a relationship . . .eventually. So, maybe a rushed wedding will be in my future. Hopefully, not in the near future.

Sweet dreams everyone!