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I’m back. And it has definitely been a while. Why has it been awhile?

Well, as you may recall, in November, my 88-year-old grandmother fell and broke her arm. She was in a rehab facility (nursing home) for three weeks and then went back home. When she went back home I stayed the night with her every night for a month straight. I slept semi-upright in a recliner. I was there every night for 12 hours only to get up and go to one of my other jobs in the morning. I did get reprieve the Wednesday before Christmas. And I have been trying to get caught up on my sleep in a more horizontal position ever since.

I know, a month to get used to sleeping in a bed?? Well, at least two weeks. My grandmother would get up most nights every two hours to pee or take some medication or something. So I would sleep in about 45 min – 90 min increments. And every time she would get up and pee, I would have to get up and pee. So while I could sleep in my bed theoretically undisturbed, I got used to waking up every two hours or so and peeing a few times in the night. I had to retrain my sleep cycles and my bladder to sleep during the night and not be overactive.

So what about the week or so?? Well, I have a new roommate. Aiden is moving in!! It’s amazing how three people with master’s degrees that work at least two part-time jobs and have good work histories cannot find decent jobs!! So to save money Aiden is moving in to help pay the bills. It help to decrease the rent and cable bill (we have cable so we can have Internet to apply for jobs. Otherwise, we wouldn’t have it)and to shoulder the burden of the utility bill. So I have been trying to clean up the cat room, so that Aiden can have a place to sleep, and move all of Pye’s food, litter box, kitty condo and miscellaneous chemical to clean up her messes and keep everything smelling pleasant into my room. I had to move, pack, and get rid of so much. If one thing that living on my own has taught me is that I can constantly live on less than I thought or have.

Just to let you in on anything you might have missed, I did have one very good job interview in December, still waiting to here about that one. I have had some good job leads, but no other interviews. My second job has closed up shop until March for renovations, so I am looking for a second part-time job (maybe one that pays a little bit better than what I was getting).

Other than that, life has been pretty much the same. There was the incident on New Years, but I will save that one for later.

All in all . . .its good to be back!

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Resumes sent out this week: 0

Interviews this week: 0

Applications this week: 0

Thing I am most grateful for: Ramen Noodles

I stand at crossroads and not sure what to take. If I listen to Robert Frost, I would take the road not travelled. Yet the road not travelled requires more money than I have. The road that has been travelled costs less, but keeps me further from where I want to be. Life just sometimes sucks.

Maybe I should look at this as the unanswered prayer. True I do want to stick around where I live to be closer to my grandmother in her final months. However, who knows when those final months will come. She says she has been dying for 4 years now. She doesn’t have cancer or some other kind of rapidly mutating disease (well, she does have Congestive Heart Failure, but its at the beginning stages. She isn’t quite glued to her oxygen yet).

If I stay here, I will need to find a job. Samantha has proven that is increasingly difficult. Samantha, who has a MBA, recently applied for a part-time teller position at a bank, since there really isn’t any need for her degree. My degree has even less potential here. Trying to find a third part-time job is also proving impossible, unless I want to work retail. Right now, I can’t work on my feet as much as I would like. I hurt so bad every night I come home and have been working more than 5 hours on my feet.

Getting out of Dodge was not to start over or find the man of my dreams (which I don’t think I will find here). It was to see how other people live. To see how other people in this country move within a culture (like eastern seaboard culture or Californian culture). I figure I will be different, I will stand out, but I have always been that way.

I haven’t applied for work for the past week because I am simply afraid. I am afraid that I will not find what I am looking for, or that I will find it and be too sacred to accept it. I am also afraid that if I don’t act soon, the road will no longer be crossed and I will have take what I can get. And I am tired of being afraid.

Resumes sent out this week: 6

This is the first Labor Day weekend in I don’t know how long I have had completely off! I’m not working Saturday, Sunday or Monday! So, shouldn’t I be happy???

I would be if I wasn’t broke!! Two jobs and I still can’t pay all of my bills in the same month. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE???

I am looking for a third job, along with a big girl job. I just hate this whole economic uncertainty. I tried to save $100 from my last paycheck and could only manage to keep $50 in the bank. When I get my next pay check it is pretty much all gone to bills (oh yes, bills . . .cell phone, cable, electric, etc.)

Samantha is broke two she has been trying to sell everything from here stereo to her plasma. Next week I am calling a contact to see if I can be an extra for an infomercial or two!

Living off the government was great. All I had to do was go to school and my bills got paid. Now that I am not in school, life is starting to unravel. And while I could cancel the cable (btw . . .the Internet would go with that) it wouldn’t help.

So this Labor Day weekend isn’t so labor free. I am taking this opportunity to pack boxes and clean out closets. I don’t know if I can stay out on my own past the end of this month. What is a girl to do?

When I started this blog 2 months ago, it seemed I had a purpose. Other than a grade for a class, it was simply my journey to graduation. And now that I have graduated it seems like my blog doesn’t really have purpose anymore, other than just a place to store my ramblings and rantings.

And I realize that moving back in with my parents in the next couple of months is a depressing realization and depressing to read about. I think it would be almost blog suicide. And as depressing as it is, its 10 times more unattractive. I am beginning to feel like the spinster of the family. Yet for me and many of my friends it’s a growing reality.

So what is my purpose in for this blog and about life in general? FIND A GROWN-UP JOB!!! I really, really need to find a big girl job and fast, so that I can avoid or shorten the time I live with my parents. So for the time being, my rantings and ramblings will pertinate to the job search, living with my parents, and anything else I find amusing, interesting and/or frustrating. Enjoy!

I can’t sleep. Can you? What’s your secret?

Lately I have had a bout of insomnia. When I was in class, I thought it was just the stress of class that was keeping me from sleeping. The night I got my grade, I slept for 13 hours! So, I just assumed that now I don’t have the stress of class, I can start sleeping again.

And you know what they say about assuming things . . .so I reconsidered my sleep strategy. I have been cutting back on my caffeine consumption (I have had 1 caffeinated beverage in the past two days). If I have caffeine it has to be before 4 pm. I haven’t had much liquor either (with the exception of the Lady Gaga contest and tonight.) So, why can’t I sleep.

Well, new idea, I am still stressed.. Stressed about finding a job, stressed about my living situation, and stressed about moving in with my parents. Don’t get me wrong, Samantha and I are fine, I am just concerned when she is going to get a job and leave me alone in this town with my parents.

Ok . . .don’t get me wrong about my parents, either. They are just really conservative people. They eat breakfast, lunch and dinner at the same time everyday. They are both retired so they are home all the time. They don’t travel. So I will be spending many, many hours with them . . .no friends, no boys and no booze!

As I try to sleep each night (still watching episodes of Dawson’s Creek), I try to envision the life I want for myself. Where will I live, what kinds of friends will I have, what will this life look like. I think I might be getting too excited over a life I don’t have yet and a little depressed about the one in which I will be shortly living.

Oh, reality . . .you are such a b****, aren’t you? Just when I think life is about to begin, I have to move in with my parents? That’s attractive! Thanks reality for humbling me and reminding me of my place in this world. I guess that’s why western medicine has a pill for everything. DOPE ME UP!

Days To Graduation: 20

Stress Level: Off all charts

So tonight I had a break down. Not a big one, but still moderately sized. And I realize some things . . .I am not an analytical person! I hate structure! My boundaries are organic in nature. So to put me in a square box, does not work, and tends to make me very cranky!

It’s why I hate the class I am taking. It’s why I am so stressed out. Its I am now afraid to enter the world of work.

I was excited to graduate and find a job. And now I’m afraid I will get another inflexible boss to tells me to be flexible in a rigid world. It doesn’t work. Since I moved back to my hometown, I have had nothing but inflexible bosses who tell me to be flexible in inflexible situations they have created. I doesn’t work . . .

I am also afraid I will be a round peg in a square hole . . .meaning that I fit, but not entirely. Of course, that is my life. I have never fit in. I am truly a non-conformist. I have problems conforming, because conforming = structure and as we learn . . .I don’t do well with structure.

I am ready to move on with my life. I am ready to prove that I can move half-way across the country and be fine by myself. I am just afraid of the work environment. Oh well . . .here goes nothing!

After 2 years of intensive graduate work I am about to become a grown-up again. In fact, after working on my homework for class I brushed up my resume and sent it to three different companies in three different states. I am ready to go . . .so I think.

I love the city in which I live. Its home, always has been . . .always will be. But I want to see how other people live. I am ready for an adventure. And that’s how I kind of view this next aspect of my life . . .an adventure. I know I will make friends and meet new people. Yet I am a little hesitant to leave everyone I know behind. Samantha wants to move to Saint Louis to be closer to several of her friends. Aiden is waiting to see where we all end up, because he doesn’t want to be somewhere with people he doesn’t know. I would rather us all move to different places . . .so that we can visit each other and see different place in the country or even the world. Yet I seem to be the only one venturing outside of the state!

Am I crazy, or are my friends crazy?? Maybe we are all crazy . . .either way, we are grown-up and capable of making our own decisions. So here I go . . .ready to walk into the unknown!