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****Author’s Note – This post was supposed to be posted on Oct. 14, 2010. However, due to the content of this blog and the conscious state of the author it was not posted until this time. Please enjoy.****

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Thing I am most grateful for: Mom’s cooking

Tonight, I am hurting . . .bad . . .and again. I suffer from back spasms. I have had them since high school. Sometimes they aren’t so bad, and sometimes they are so bad they take my breath away.

I have taken countless hot baths, spent time and countless jetted tubs, and swallowed hundreds of pills. Each time I swallow another pill, I wait for the euphoria to kick in.

Euphoria you ask? Why yes, euphoria. You know that feeling of ease when the pill start working. That feeling like you don’t have a care in the world and the stress of your day-to-day life melts away. You know, that feeling that get people addicted to pain killers?

Tonight that feeling of euphoria did not come easily. 4 ibuprofen, 2 rather large looking horse narcotics and two hot baths in the course of an hour. In fact, the pain was so bad when I started writing this post, I had to stop, lay flat on the floor, and stretch. When that didn’t work, I took the second of my baths.

Finally, I am still in pain, but not as bad. Here is a little secret for you . . .pain killers don’t really kill your pain, you just don’t feel it. However, your body is still reacting to the pain while you don’t feel it. Its true. Your breathing, while it slightly deepens, tends to remain shallow. Your heart rate, with it my slightly slow down, tends to be higher than your normal resting heart rate. And the muscles around your pain are still constrained.

Shortly I will go to sleep . . .predominately because those two rather large looking horse narcotics are kicking in. Tomorrow I will wake up and my back may or may not hurt. However, tonight, I am hurting, I am experiencing the euphoria of pills and a little piece of my liver is dying. The price you pay when your hurt and you don’t want to.