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Well . . .I haven’t written in a while. Hopefully I will start writing more and more at work . . .since I have so much down time. I have three jobs now . . .not that I want to really talk about them. I guess I will just go back to talking about my life in general.

Speaking of my life in general . . .did you catch the title of this post. No I am not going to talk about Beatles people vs. Elvis people, strong people vs. weak people or any other ways that others like to stereotype all people into two separate categories. Well, maybe. I would like to talk about Type A people vs. well, not Type A people.

I am not a Type A person. I have never really been a Type A person. I am a creative person. I like messes. I like chaos. While I hate stress and stressors and drama, I cannot stand order and organization to the point of dependency. “Everything has a place and place for everything . . .” Such a sing-song adage.

Type A people thrive on order, organization and all that entails. It seems so boring to me. Where is the creativity? What happens when you introduce a new element into that kind of atmosphere? How do you determine a place for that?? Where is the flexibility??

As I have probably mentioned in the past, I live with Samantha and Aiden . . .two of the biggest Type A personalities I have ever met. Being as I am the minority of the house, I am subject to random bitching-outs, because I am messy.

There is a reason for my messiness. I thrive on messiness. I need a mess . . .in fact I need many messes. I have a mess at my office, a mess in my car, a mess in my living environment . . .and I am ok with that. Samantha and Aiden cannot comprehend that I have and need a mess.

I need a mess . . .it gives me something to focus on when I am stressed or upset. Having a mess means that I am happy, content. If my car is clean, my office is clean, my living environment is clean . . .there is something seriously wrong.

I’m not filthy or dirty. I think a lot of people who need a mess are classified as lazy or a slob. So I can live with a mess and can’t live when anything is organized . . .does that make me a bad person? I don’t think so.

Tonight, I went out with some friends and had some drinks. When I called Samantha and Aiden for a ride home they didn’t want to leave the couch. I drove home, when I probably shouldn’t have and got home and was feeling pretty good about life in general after having a good time with some friends. After sitting on the couch (as mentioned above) I ended up getting into an argument with Aiden (Samantha supported his argument) about the mess on the stairs.

I have a mess on the stairs. I haven’t been upset enough to clean it up. I haven’t been upset enough for 3 months to clean it up. Nor do I have the space. Since Aiden moved-in in Feb. I have taken three loads to my parents barn for storage with at least another load to go. I have given away 6 bags of clothing (Wal-mart sized bags and bigger) with three more to go. When I initially moved in with Samantha two years ago, I condense my stuff by half (having only condense that stuff by half the year before). While Samantha and I had a roommate before Aiden, I didn’t have to give up that much stuff. However, I didn’t have Pye at that time, who, as it turns out, requires quite a bit of stuff. Since February, I have gotten rid of th 25% of what I had left. And I am out of space. The stuff on the stairs . . .waiting for a home (and even when it gets there, I will probably lose it. I can’t find stuff when it is organized!)

Tonight after having an argument with Aiden (and pissed with no support from Samantha, other than there will always be a mess on the stairs) I cleaned up my 5 ft closet (I had a walk-in at the last place I lived) and reorganized it again (after two months, I am a sick individual) and tried to find more places for everything. See, I only clean when I am upset.

I realized while I was cleaning somethings out. I got rid of a few things I don’t use or need. Thats fine. I am tired of living with Type A people who criticize how I do anything (including clean, which sometimes is better than they do it!). And if I want to keep my relationships with Samantha and Aiden, I need to move out. I need space, always have. And while I don’t have the money right now to do this, it’s probably best for everyone involved.

New lesson learned. . .when you are happy, tipsy, and feeling good about life in general . . .go to your room. Its less costly!

Resumes Sent Out This Week: 1

Applications Submitted This Week: 1

Interview Scheduled for This Week: 0

Thing I am most grateful for: SNOW DAY

Where I live if you get more than 3 inches of snow most everything closes or shuts down. I personally don’t venture out since my car is so low to the ground it doesn’t really move in 3 inches of snow, so I got to stay home today.

When I called into work they were understanding and I said I had some work that I could do at home. Which I could have . . .except I didn’t. I took a shower, did my hair, did a facial peel, got dressed in something other than pajamas changed the sheets, made the bed, did laundry, did dishes . . .twice, cooked breakfast and lunch for myself, attempted to clean soy wax out of a candle holder (btw . . .soy wax doesn’t come out easily and has the consistency and smell of motor oil) reorganized my linen storage, reorganized my underwear drawer, and cleaned up Dub’s living room accident (he pooped in the living room . . .again). I contemplated doing work . . .but it didn’t happen. I did check my work e-mail and check on the status of new orders, but other than that, nada!

When I stated at this job Thursdays were initially supposed to be my day off. But like most of the workers in the United States, I have opted to not take too many days off or sick days for 2 reasons. 1. I need the money. 2. Either the work I do isn’t going to get done or someone is going to do it and mess it up.

While I was productive today, I feel like I let everyone at work down. Basically all I was going to do today was cleanup a listserv and try a new recipe for the newsletter I write for the company I work for. While cleaning up the listserv might be better to be kept at the office, I should have at least tried out the new recipe.

I guess I shouldn’t wax on and on about what I didn’t do today and look at the accomplishments I did. And we will take tomorrow as it comes. And do the work that I didn’t do on this snow day.

I’m back. And it has definitely been a while. Why has it been awhile?

Well, as you may recall, in November, my 88-year-old grandmother fell and broke her arm. She was in a rehab facility (nursing home) for three weeks and then went back home. When she went back home I stayed the night with her every night for a month straight. I slept semi-upright in a recliner. I was there every night for 12 hours only to get up and go to one of my other jobs in the morning. I did get reprieve the Wednesday before Christmas. And I have been trying to get caught up on my sleep in a more horizontal position ever since.

I know, a month to get used to sleeping in a bed?? Well, at least two weeks. My grandmother would get up most nights every two hours to pee or take some medication or something. So I would sleep in about 45 min – 90 min increments. And every time she would get up and pee, I would have to get up and pee. So while I could sleep in my bed theoretically undisturbed, I got used to waking up every two hours or so and peeing a few times in the night. I had to retrain my sleep cycles and my bladder to sleep during the night and not be overactive.

So what about the week or so?? Well, I have a new roommate. Aiden is moving in!! It’s amazing how three people with master’s degrees that work at least two part-time jobs and have good work histories cannot find decent jobs!! So to save money Aiden is moving in to help pay the bills. It help to decrease the rent and cable bill (we have cable so we can have Internet to apply for jobs. Otherwise, we wouldn’t have it)and to shoulder the burden of the utility bill. So I have been trying to clean up the cat room, so that Aiden can have a place to sleep, and move all of Pye’s food, litter box, kitty condo and miscellaneous chemical to clean up her messes and keep everything smelling pleasant into my room. I had to move, pack, and get rid of so much. If one thing that living on my own has taught me is that I can constantly live on less than I thought or have.

Just to let you in on anything you might have missed, I did have one very good job interview in December, still waiting to here about that one. I have had some good job leads, but no other interviews. My second job has closed up shop until March for renovations, so I am looking for a second part-time job (maybe one that pays a little bit better than what I was getting).

Other than that, life has been pretty much the same. There was the incident on New Years, but I will save that one for later.

All in all . . .its good to be back!

Resumes sent out this week: 1

Applications filled out: 0

Interviews scheduled this week: 0

Thing I am grateful for: Coupons!

Ok 2 things:

1. I haven’t been sending out a lot of resumes and applications because I have been debating for the last month if I want to leave my job or suck it up and get a third job. Yesterday, I decided I want another job . . .badly! I like the place I’m working. However, I am kinda of tired with my boss.

I am tired of having every little aspect of my job dictated to me. I am tired of having to do my job in a way that isn’t conducive to achieve the goals that were dictated to me or that I want to achieve myself. And most importantly, I’m tired of part-time work. I am getting more hours as I it is coming up on our busy season, but its a lot of manual labor (which isn’t exactly a bad thing) but I am tired of my has turning color from coffee and flavorings.

Therefore, with renewed hope . . .I am looking for a new job.

2. Grandma broke her humorous . . .and it isn’t very funny. Grandma fell a week and a half ago and hasn’t been home since. She is in a nursing home for rehab in the hopes she will return home within a week or two. She it pissed and wants to go home right now. I go visit her after work almost every day to see her. I am suffering from what is termed caregiver burnout. I haven’t posted a new post because at night I come home tired and usually take a shower, maybe eat something and go to bed.

Whats most troubling is that mom, who moved here to help take care of her mother, isn’t doing so well. She has been diagnosed with AFib and given new medication which is working. Yet, my mother is also having stomach issues. She can’t eat without getting sick and has lost 15 lbs. within the past month. She has had a couple of test, one came out clean, the other we are still waiting on. I can’t imagine taking care of two people at the same time. However, I feel I will have to.

Resumes sent out this week: 0

interviews scheduled this week: 0

Thing I am most grateful for today: A clean, safe environment to live in

Why haven’t I posted in like over a week? Two reasons. And this post will address both of them.

1. It’s primarily accountability. I am supposed to be writing this post primarily to address my job search. And well, I have definitely been falling down on that front. I feel as if I am letting you (my 6-ish readers, but on a good day up to 15-ish readers down.) While I have started blogs in the past and never published more than a handful of posts before abandoning them. And this blog has been so cathartic. I need to publish more . . .and job search more. And fill you in my no-money exploits.

2. For the past week I have been spending an incredible amount of time with friend David. On Friday I went with him and a few friends to Eve Yom Kippur services ( primarily to learn more about why as a Christian should I support Israel and Jews in general). Also I have been spending time with him at his partner’s home. David will be moving in with his partner at the beginning of October. However, until then, he is on a cleaning rampage, and I happen to be his first mate on this voyage.

David believes that everything has a place and there is a place for everything. He is a def type A personality, and while he can handle small bits of clutter, he can’t handle full-on mess. And I am a professional at making messes and cleaning messes. So, I have been helping David clean this house, one room at a time. And trying to improve the smell in the house (it’s a mix of dog, dog pee and smoke . . .YUCK!)

The first two rooms (his and his partner’s bedroom and the living room) went by fast. Tonight was the kitchen. And we didn’t even get half way done with this one. And by far this is the worst room in the house!

Rat poop abounds. The smell of moth balls and grease weigh heavy in the air. I am throughly disgusted. And whats worse. David’s partner and his roommate have lived like this for at least a year! I cannot imagine living like this for any amount of time.

While I realize that there are people who live in conditions worse than this, it makes me truly grateful for my living environment and the fact that I never had to live in an environment like this. So as I go to bed in my clean sheets, I know when I wake up in the morning I have not had to share my bran flakes with another creature in the middle of the night. I know that while I maybe broke, I am better off than most people in my situations. And tonight I feel truly grateful.

I can’t sleep. Can you? What’s your secret?

Lately I have had a bout of insomnia. When I was in class, I thought it was just the stress of class that was keeping me from sleeping. The night I got my grade, I slept for 13 hours! So, I just assumed that now I don’t have the stress of class, I can start sleeping again.

And you know what they say about assuming things . . .so I reconsidered my sleep strategy. I have been cutting back on my caffeine consumption (I have had 1 caffeinated beverage in the past two days). If I have caffeine it has to be before 4 pm. I haven’t had much liquor either (with the exception of the Lady Gaga contest and tonight.) So, why can’t I sleep.

Well, new idea, I am still stressed.. Stressed about finding a job, stressed about my living situation, and stressed about moving in with my parents. Don’t get me wrong, Samantha and I are fine, I am just concerned when she is going to get a job and leave me alone in this town with my parents.

Ok . . .don’t get me wrong about my parents, either. They are just really conservative people. They eat breakfast, lunch and dinner at the same time everyday. They are both retired so they are home all the time. They don’t travel. So I will be spending many, many hours with them . . .no friends, no boys and no booze!

As I try to sleep each night (still watching episodes of Dawson’s Creek), I try to envision the life I want for myself. Where will I live, what kinds of friends will I have, what will this life look like. I think I might be getting too excited over a life I don’t have yet and a little depressed about the one in which I will be shortly living.

Oh, reality . . .you are such a b****, aren’t you? Just when I think life is about to begin, I have to move in with my parents? That’s attractive! Thanks reality for humbling me and reminding me of my place in this world. I guess that’s why western medicine has a pill for everything. DOPE ME UP!

Days to Graduation: 8

Final Grade: Apparently M.I.A.

Likelihood of Graduation: Getting slimmer by the moment

Sorry I didn’t write last night. I should have, I slept like maybe 3 hours last night. I apparently had time. Don’t know why I didn’t. However, let’s get on with our story. However, most likely the allergies that are raging here are keeping me from doing anything really. So . . .lets move on.

Semi Precious Weapons took the stage around 8:00 pm. Usually I am up for listening to any new artist or band or any genre. I however, was not taken by the sounds coming from the this band. In all honesty I think the guitarist thought he was Jimi Hendrix incarnate. However, his musical stylings came off like a bad heavy metal guitarist and ruined my first impression of this band. The next impression, wasn’t that good either. Justin Tranter the lead singer of the band seems to have a David Bowie thing going on. Like he thinks he is David Bowie . . .without the following. To me, I thought he was too gay to function. Needless to say, I would have been happier to have missed the opening act.

Ok . . .probably not fair after I dissed this band so much but here is the benefit to my doubt. First and foremost, no matter how good or bad someone is, the fact that they courage to take the stage is something more than I myself am willing to do. So props to them for that. Moving on . . .I did a little research (and by little, I mean Google in Wikipedia and a couple of other websites) about Semi Precious Weapons and their front man. According to Wikipedia, Semi Precious Weapons is a “Filthy Glamour” brand of rock music and espouse a “Dirty Showbiz” philosophy.” I would have gone with Glam Rock . . .so maybe close. All the member of the band graduated from Berklee School of Music. Tranter also took Business Management classes and graduated after 3 years with a 3.9 GPA. Tranter also has his own line of jewelry called “fettY” that is sold at Barney’s New York. (If you feel so lead, you can check it out http://www.barneys.com/Jewelry/JEWEL01,default,sc.html?prefn1=designer&prefv1=fettY) I did check out the jewelry line and did not find much I liked. But then again, I really didn’t like the band so I wasn’t expecting too much.

Moving on . . .after a 20 min intermission it was time for the main event. Coming out in a spectacular purple leather motorcycle jacket complete with linebacker size gold incrusted shoulders was the one and only Lady Gaga! It was AWESOME! The first was probably my favorite with all the neon lights . . .I totally want the one that says “SexyUgly.”

What can I say about this show that probably hasn’t already. Spectacular, creative, awesome, impressive . . .the list could go on and on . . .and the list will go on in part 3. Don’t you just love cliffhangers.

Days to Graduation: 10

Final Grade: Still Unknown

Likelihood of Graduating: Slim to none

As I left you a couple of days ago, my life is still up in the air. I did receive an e-mail (actually 2 e-mails) from my professor today. (She forgot half of what she wanted to say in the first one.) She wanted to know why I left out a slide out of my presentation (I incorporated it with another slide to condense the presentation, without losing the important parts) and what was the story being conveyed by my interviewee (the story was irrelevant, the purpose behind the story was more important!). With this new development, I feel pretty sealed in my fate.

Moving on . . .

A couple of my friends kinda of know what this class is doing to me physically (just for the record, I’m having problems sleeping, I’m losing my hair by the handfuls in the shower, and I binge eat as if there were no tomorrow which leads to, upset stomach and heart burn. Not to mention, if I do get any sleep I am sometimes woken up to throw up in the middle of the night, just for fun! Really it’s not fun.) so they decided I needed a little pick-me-up.

Three months ago they purchased tickets to see Lady Gaga in Kansas City. One person backed out, so instead of letting all of facebook know about the ticket, they let me get first dibs. Sometimes opportunities show themselves and while you don’t have the money you just have to take the bull by the horns and let what will be to be. I was going to see Gaga come Hell or high water (neither of which has ensued . . .yet.)

So yesterday with my friend “Danielle” we took off for KC to meet up with Aiden and Samantha. Now, I do have to give a major shout out to Aiden as he booked us a sweet hotel in KC with an awesome view of the skyline and a free shuttle to the Sprint Center!

We arrived in KC about 4:30 and headed out dinner shortly. If you are ever in KC (either Kansas or Missouri side) look up your closest Bo Ling’s . . .you won’t be sorry. After dinner and a short trip to CVS (I left all of my make-up at home . . .GRRRR!) is was time to get ready for GAGA!

Make-up . . . check, camera . . .check, tickets . . .check, outfit . . .ok . . .so at times I felt as if I was dressed appropriately for a concert, and other times . . .not so much. Ok . . .so I didn’t wrap myself in CAUTION tape, or wear 4 inch heels, or hike up my skirt to you could see the trim of my bikini wax. (Just to let you know I wore navy blue capri leggings, a lace cami under a white wife beater, and a black vest with sandels.) True I was dressed better than the average (and sometimes creative) soccer mom, but not dressed as a true Gaga fan. (i.e caution tape outfits, black leather pants and heals, miles upon miles of white chiffon and tulle with a giant wand, and don’t forget the electrical tape pasties!)

So we make it to the Sprint center about 15 mins. before the show starts. Go to the bathroom, get a drink and get to our seat just in time to see the opening act . . .Semi Precious Weapons. More on that one tomorrow, as I need to take some allergy medication and call it a night.

Sorry I haven’t posted it a couple of days . . .my life has been a bit up in the air. After the debauched audio files incident (and consequently getting one of the files restored), losing the file for my final report, and wondering if I am going to graduate, I’m a little tired and emotionally drained.

I’m still up in the air about graduation, which puts my life up in the air about everything else. Graduate school is kinda of funny about what happens when you fail a class. For those of you that don’t know, you don’t get to retake the class next semester or the next time it’s offered, you don’t get take another class and substitute the credits . . .you get kicked out. And right now I am kinda of wondering how I am going to pay off my $35,000 of student debt if I cannot use my education to get a high paying job.

I have a 3.84 GPA as of right now. And in this class I have an 83%. It’s not for lack of trying or participation. I am just trying to figure out what the fates have in store for me. And what am I going to do if I don’t pass this class.

Stay tuned . . .it will either be one amazing triumph or on amazing nervous breakdown.

If you aren’t familiar with the website fmylife.com, you should get to know it very well. I am providing a link for you to check it out (after you read this post of course!)

http://www.fmylife.com/

Today is very much a FML kinda day. I am supposed to graduate in 15 days, and crisis sets in. The interview files I submitted to my instructor are corrupted. Lost and gone forever. This was worth roughly 20% of my final grade.

I figure that I am probably going to be getting a B in this class . . .fine . . .it will bring down my 3.8 GPA. However, now its is looking like a low C . . .really bringing down my GPA, and will be looking fabulous on my transcripts. It will match my grades for my undergraduate economics classes and will go great with the D I got in news reporting. It’s not longer about making it to the finish line, but how well you got there.

I am trying to take this on the chin, but that’s really hard. I need this class to graduate. If I don’t pass, I don’t graduate, simple as that. I’m sure they will probably let me walk and all, but I will still need to take one class next semester to earn the credits worthy of my graduation. And I will have to deal with the class that broke me. It will be on my transcript, like a bad stain that doesn’t come out of your favorite shirt!

In a bit, I am going to take a long bath, with a glass of wine. And probably cry myself to sleep. After 9 years of higher education, I can’t believe there is one class that broke me. One class that couldn’t do what others have succeeded and failed. I will have to deal with the fact that not matter how hard I tried there is once thing that I couldn’t tackle. The tears are welling up as I type . . .time for the tub.