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Resumes sent out this week: 6

This is the first Labor Day weekend in I don’t know how long I have had completely off! I’m not working Saturday, Sunday or Monday! So, shouldn’t I be happy???

I would be if I wasn’t broke!! Two jobs and I still can’t pay all of my bills in the same month. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE???

I am looking for a third job, along with a big girl job. I just hate this whole economic uncertainty. I tried to save $100 from my last paycheck and could only manage to keep $50 in the bank. When I get my next pay check it is pretty much all gone to bills (oh yes, bills . . .cell phone, cable, electric, etc.)

Samantha is broke two she has been trying to sell everything from here stereo to her plasma. Next week I am calling a contact to see if I can be an extra for an infomercial or two!

Living off the government was great. All I had to do was go to school and my bills got paid. Now that I am not in school, life is starting to unravel. And while I could cancel the cable (btw . . .the Internet would go with that) it wouldn’t help.

So this Labor Day weekend isn’t so labor free. I am taking this opportunity to pack boxes and clean out closets. I don’t know if I can stay out on my own past the end of this month. What is a girl to do?

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I can’t sleep. Can you? What’s your secret?

Lately I have had a bout of insomnia. When I was in class, I thought it was just the stress of class that was keeping me from sleeping. The night I got my grade, I slept for 13 hours! So, I just assumed that now I don’t have the stress of class, I can start sleeping again.

And you know what they say about assuming things . . .so I reconsidered my sleep strategy. I have been cutting back on my caffeine consumption (I have had 1 caffeinated beverage in the past two days). If I have caffeine it has to be before 4 pm. I haven’t had much liquor either (with the exception of the Lady Gaga contest and tonight.) So, why can’t I sleep.

Well, new idea, I am still stressed.. Stressed about finding a job, stressed about my living situation, and stressed about moving in with my parents. Don’t get me wrong, Samantha and I are fine, I am just concerned when she is going to get a job and leave me alone in this town with my parents.

Ok . . .don’t get me wrong about my parents, either. They are just really conservative people. They eat breakfast, lunch and dinner at the same time everyday. They are both retired so they are home all the time. They don’t travel. So I will be spending many, many hours with them . . .no friends, no boys and no booze!

As I try to sleep each night (still watching episodes of Dawson’s Creek), I try to envision the life I want for myself. Where will I live, what kinds of friends will I have, what will this life look like. I think I might be getting too excited over a life I don’t have yet and a little depressed about the one in which I will be shortly living.

Oh, reality . . .you are such a b****, aren’t you? Just when I think life is about to begin, I have to move in with my parents? That’s attractive! Thanks reality for humbling me and reminding me of my place in this world. I guess that’s why western medicine has a pill for everything. DOPE ME UP!

I have one more project to do, and I am done with my class. I have until Sunday night at 8:00, so I have plenty of time. Finally, I can feel the stress melting away.

Tomorrow, I have what I am calling a cattle call interview. It’s really an “informational session” for an insurance company. I don’t really want to sell insurance. In fact, I don’t want to sell anything. It’s really funny when companies find out you have a marketing degree, they think you wanna do is sell, sell, sell! So, tomorrow, I am gonna go in there with my head held high, pay attention to the information, and walk out of there letting them know I am not interested in selling what ever it is they sell.

Ok, so you may be asking yourself, what is it that you are going to do with your marketing degree. Well, I am doing what I want to do currently. I do web-based marketing for a small speciality foods company. Ok . . .another question you are asking yourself is, if you are already doing what you want to do, why are you looking for a new job. Several factors influence that answer.

1. This job is temporary and can end at a moments notice
2. This job is only part-time
3. I need to get out of this town and state for a little while
4. After my friends graduate, there will be nothing to really keep me here other than a few family members.
5. Life with mom and dad is not so pretty . . .sure the bills are paid . . .but no boys, no booze, no fun!

So right now, my main focus is to finish my project and find a way to get out of Dodge, if you know what I mean. I will use tomorrow as practice for any other interviews that may come my way. Anyone out there face the same thing?

Days To Graduation: 20

Stress Level: Off all charts

So tonight I had a break down. Not a big one, but still moderately sized. And I realize some things . . .I am not an analytical person! I hate structure! My boundaries are organic in nature. So to put me in a square box, does not work, and tends to make me very cranky!

It’s why I hate the class I am taking. It’s why I am so stressed out. Its I am now afraid to enter the world of work.

I was excited to graduate and find a job. And now I’m afraid I will get another inflexible boss to tells me to be flexible in a rigid world. It doesn’t work. Since I moved back to my hometown, I have had nothing but inflexible bosses who tell me to be flexible in inflexible situations they have created. I doesn’t work . . .

I am also afraid I will be a round peg in a square hole . . .meaning that I fit, but not entirely. Of course, that is my life. I have never fit in. I am truly a non-conformist. I have problems conforming, because conforming = structure and as we learn . . .I don’t do well with structure.

I am ready to move on with my life. I am ready to prove that I can move half-way across the country and be fine by myself. I am just afraid of the work environment. Oh well . . .here goes nothing!

Days to Graduation: 26

Today I kinda of confused. Which let me to be upset most of this evening. This my last class has become overwhelming. And I feel like I have been doing all the leg work for my instructors research (while I have no formal evidence of this . . .it was like a duck, quack like a duck . . .just saying). I am working hard-core at both jobs, sending out resumes and trying to pack up my life for the 7th time in five years. UM . .. HELP PLEASE!

Seriously . . .I don’t have the time to deal with this s***! And I don’t particularly want to. Its times like these I am reminded that I am an adult, life isn’t fair, and I will make it through this . . .at least I hope so.

So tonight I am going to go to bed early. Tomorrow I will go to work, come home and work ferociously on my homework. I’m just going to try to pass this last class. Any advise, would be helpful!

After 2 years of intensive graduate work I am about to become a grown-up again. In fact, after working on my homework for class I brushed up my resume and sent it to three different companies in three different states. I am ready to go . . .so I think.

I love the city in which I live. Its home, always has been . . .always will be. But I want to see how other people live. I am ready for an adventure. And that’s how I kind of view this next aspect of my life . . .an adventure. I know I will make friends and meet new people. Yet I am a little hesitant to leave everyone I know behind. Samantha wants to move to Saint Louis to be closer to several of her friends. Aiden is waiting to see where we all end up, because he doesn’t want to be somewhere with people he doesn’t know. I would rather us all move to different places . . .so that we can visit each other and see different place in the country or even the world. Yet I seem to be the only one venturing outside of the state!

Am I crazy, or are my friends crazy?? Maybe we are all crazy . . .either way, we are grown-up and capable of making our own decisions. So here I go . . .ready to walk into the unknown!

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