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Well . . .I haven’t written in a while. Hopefully I will start writing more and more at work . . .since I have so much down time. I have three jobs now . . .not that I want to really talk about them. I guess I will just go back to talking about my life in general.

Speaking of my life in general . . .did you catch the title of this post. No I am not going to talk about Beatles people vs. Elvis people, strong people vs. weak people or any other ways that others like to stereotype all people into two separate categories. Well, maybe. I would like to talk about Type A people vs. well, not Type A people.

I am not a Type A person. I have never really been a Type A person. I am a creative person. I like messes. I like chaos. While I hate stress and stressors and drama, I cannot stand order and organization to the point of dependency. “Everything has a place and place for everything . . .” Such a sing-song adage.

Type A people thrive on order, organization and all that entails. It seems so boring to me. Where is the creativity? What happens when you introduce a new element into that kind of atmosphere? How do you determine a place for that?? Where is the flexibility??

As I have probably mentioned in the past, I live with Samantha and Aiden . . .two of the biggest Type A personalities I have ever met. Being as I am the minority of the house, I am subject to random bitching-outs, because I am messy.

There is a reason for my messiness. I thrive on messiness. I need a mess . . .in fact I need many messes. I have a mess at my office, a mess in my car, a mess in my living environment . . .and I am ok with that. Samantha and Aiden cannot comprehend that I have and need a mess.

I need a mess . . .it gives me something to focus on when I am stressed or upset. Having a mess means that I am happy, content. If my car is clean, my office is clean, my living environment is clean . . .there is something seriously wrong.

I’m not filthy or dirty. I think a lot of people who need a mess are classified as lazy or a slob. So I can live with a mess and can’t live when anything is organized . . .does that make me a bad person? I don’t think so.

Tonight, I went out with some friends and had some drinks. When I called Samantha and Aiden for a ride home they didn’t want to leave the couch. I drove home, when I probably shouldn’t have and got home and was feeling pretty good about life in general after having a good time with some friends. After sitting on the couch (as mentioned above) I ended up getting into an argument with Aiden (Samantha supported his argument) about the mess on the stairs.

I have a mess on the stairs. I haven’t been upset enough to clean it up. I haven’t been upset enough for 3 months to clean it up. Nor do I have the space. Since Aiden moved-in in Feb. I have taken three loads to my parents barn for storage with at least another load to go. I have given away 6 bags of clothing (Wal-mart sized bags and bigger) with three more to go. When I initially moved in with Samantha two years ago, I condense my stuff by half (having only condense that stuff by half the year before). While Samantha and I had a roommate before Aiden, I didn’t have to give up that much stuff. However, I didn’t have Pye at that time, who, as it turns out, requires quite a bit of stuff. Since February, I have gotten rid of th 25% of what I had left. And I am out of space. The stuff on the stairs . . .waiting for a home (and even when it gets there, I will probably lose it. I can’t find stuff when it is organized!)

Tonight after having an argument with Aiden (and pissed with no support from Samantha, other than there will always be a mess on the stairs) I cleaned up my 5 ft closet (I had a walk-in at the last place I lived) and reorganized it again (after two months, I am a sick individual) and tried to find more places for everything. See, I only clean when I am upset.

I realized while I was cleaning somethings out. I got rid of a few things I don’t use or need. Thats fine. I am tired of living with Type A people who criticize how I do anything (including clean, which sometimes is better than they do it!). And if I want to keep my relationships with Samantha and Aiden, I need to move out. I need space, always have. And while I don’t have the money right now to do this, it’s probably best for everyone involved.

New lesson learned. . .when you are happy, tipsy, and feeling good about life in general . . .go to your room. Its less costly!

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I know that I haven’t written in a while . . .a good while. And I normally start my postings off with job search related material . . .but not tonight. Tonight is different. I didn’t find my dream job . . .not yet anyway.

So why is tonight different? Well . . .it’s because of the day I had. And the questioning that goes with the day I had.

For years, I feel almost as if everyday is a “bad day.” A bit of a pessimistic view I know, but I kinda feel that way. The song “Bad Day” by Fuel, kinda of sums up the way I most days. S*** happens everyday. Sometimes its terrible like you total out your car in an accident, a family member or friend dies, getting your a$$ chewed by your boss for an hour for something they did and not you, having overdrawn your bank account and pay-day is 10 days away and you have no food or gas. Sometimes its breaking the heel or sole on your shoe, being 5 mins late for work, or forgetting a loved one’s birthday.

Sometimes you feel like absolute dog s*** and there isn’t anything you can do and sometimes you feel that way because there was something you could have done.

This week, I partook in an action in which I feel that I flushed all of my overpriced education down the drain. I knew better than to participate in this action, and yet I did so anyway, because those that were encouraging me to partake “knew better” or knew more about this particular area than I did. Or did they, because I “knew better” than to do this action.

There comes several times in everyone’s life that you have to stand up for something that you know is right or know to be true . . .or at least somewhat true. While making the decision whether or not to go along with this, I debated and expressed my concerns over this action. The information was there black and white . . .refuting my knowledge. And yet, I still “knew better.”

While I have been going over this in my head all day, it is making me question my career choice . . .whether or not I can do what it is that I have educated myself to do. In a situation like this hindsight is always 20/20. Yet I didn’t need hindsight to tell me the outcome.

There is a time when the student becomes the teacher and yet I still feel like I need to be mentored. So did I pick the right profession if I can’t do the right thing?

Resumes submitted this week: 0

Applications submitted this week: 0

Interviews scheduled for the week: 0

New jobs to start this week: 1

Thing I am most grateful for: Additional income

So, the interview that I had earlier this week kind of went as planned. He didn’t know I was coming, but interviewed me anyway. Interview went on about 45 mins, yet felt like 2 hours. And today, I got the call that I got the job!!! I would just like to say that this is just a job. Not quite a career. Yet it pays decent, with the potential for a raise in 6 months.

Moving on . . .

I hope you all had a very nice Valentine’s/Singles Awareness Day. Some of my single friends had a tough day. I don’t know why, but Valentine’s day is easier when I am single then when I was in a relationship. There is no pressure to find the perfect gift, plan the perfect dinner, or find the sexiest lingerie.

My roommates, Samantha and Aiden still think that they can find me a man. Maybe the could, but I’m not sure I want one anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t start batting for the same-sex team. Yet, its like I know.

Samantha has recently been named maid-of-honor for a wedding in the summer for 2012. She has been working on planning guides and buying bridal magazines. Apparently The Knot has a big wedding dress issue this month.

Usually when I am in the kitchen cooking I work on doing some dishes and cleaning while waiting for water to boil and such. Lately, the dishes have been done and counters have been wiped down. So the other day, while waiting on my spaghetti to cook, I flipped through the issue of The Knot. There are some truly beautiful wedding dresses for this season. Yet, I couldn’t imagine myself in a single one. Page after page I looked at the wedding dresses. There wasn’t even one or two that I thought I would like with some alterations. NOT A SINGLE STINKIN DRESS!

I don’t know what that means . . .but I’m pretty sure that I am not the wedding isn’t in the cards for me. And surprisingly, I’m ok with that. What do you think?

Resumes sent out this week: 0

Applications submitted this week: 1

Interviews scheduled this week: 0

Thing I am most grateful for: Having a roof over my head . . .for now.

At night when it is time for me to go to sleep I try to concentrated on the ticking of the clock in my bathroom. While concentrating on the ticking I think of the future. I think of my fantasy man.

Every single girl (and some taken girls too) thinks about that man of her dreams, man of her current (celebrity) crush, or at least the idea of that man. For the past couple months the man of my dreams has been my celebrity crush . . .that was until last night . . .when he cheated on me.

If this is my fantasy, why did I choose to dream him up and have him do that to me. Did I mention in my fantasy I had also just found out I was pregnant when I found out he cheated on me?

Ok . . .how did my fantasy go awry? Is this indicative of how I see my future relationships going?

I have only been in one relationship where the guy cheated on me. And I didn’t find out until after we broke up. So, it’s not really a big concern of mine when I enter into a relationship. I mean, if a guy cheats on me, I would probably be upset and it would definitely be the end of the relationship.

I guess I should look at it through the perspective of celebrity and the power that’s behind it. How both men and women (some men and women, not all) want to be with someone who has some power. In my fantasy last night I caught my dream man cheating on me with some hot, skinny, attractive asian girl in a YouTube video. He was out hobnobbing at a bar and this girl plastered herself on him. The video was of them making-out with their hands all over each other.

I understand that celebrity has power. Look at Monica Lewinsky and Bill Clinton or Kevin Federline and Britney Spears. (btw . . .my (former) celebrity crush is not in politics or a back-up pop dancer . . .or involved in the music business). There is that pull of power.

Is there a lesson to be learned from all this?? I guess it might be don’t fall for the power of celebrity. Maybe its pick your celebrity crushes better.

BTW . . .I know in earlier posts I have mentioned that I was looking for a relationship opportunity. I haven’t found that yet. And it’s not looking good. I guess I really should be grateful that I am single, and that I am still happy that way. And I could live my life this way and be happy.

I’m back. And it has definitely been a while. Why has it been awhile?

Well, as you may recall, in November, my 88-year-old grandmother fell and broke her arm. She was in a rehab facility (nursing home) for three weeks and then went back home. When she went back home I stayed the night with her every night for a month straight. I slept semi-upright in a recliner. I was there every night for 12 hours only to get up and go to one of my other jobs in the morning. I did get reprieve the Wednesday before Christmas. And I have been trying to get caught up on my sleep in a more horizontal position ever since.

I know, a month to get used to sleeping in a bed?? Well, at least two weeks. My grandmother would get up most nights every two hours to pee or take some medication or something. So I would sleep in about 45 min – 90 min increments. And every time she would get up and pee, I would have to get up and pee. So while I could sleep in my bed theoretically undisturbed, I got used to waking up every two hours or so and peeing a few times in the night. I had to retrain my sleep cycles and my bladder to sleep during the night and not be overactive.

So what about the week or so?? Well, I have a new roommate. Aiden is moving in!! It’s amazing how three people with master’s degrees that work at least two part-time jobs and have good work histories cannot find decent jobs!! So to save money Aiden is moving in to help pay the bills. It help to decrease the rent and cable bill (we have cable so we can have Internet to apply for jobs. Otherwise, we wouldn’t have it)and to shoulder the burden of the utility bill. So I have been trying to clean up the cat room, so that Aiden can have a place to sleep, and move all of Pye’s food, litter box, kitty condo and miscellaneous chemical to clean up her messes and keep everything smelling pleasant into my room. I had to move, pack, and get rid of so much. If one thing that living on my own has taught me is that I can constantly live on less than I thought or have.

Just to let you in on anything you might have missed, I did have one very good job interview in December, still waiting to here about that one. I have had some good job leads, but no other interviews. My second job has closed up shop until March for renovations, so I am looking for a second part-time job (maybe one that pays a little bit better than what I was getting).

Other than that, life has been pretty much the same. There was the incident on New Years, but I will save that one for later.

All in all . . .its good to be back!

Resumes sent out this week: 1

Applications filled out: 0

Interviews scheduled this week: 0

Thing I am grateful for: Coupons!

Ok 2 things:

1. I haven’t been sending out a lot of resumes and applications because I have been debating for the last month if I want to leave my job or suck it up and get a third job. Yesterday, I decided I want another job . . .badly! I like the place I’m working. However, I am kinda of tired with my boss.

I am tired of having every little aspect of my job dictated to me. I am tired of having to do my job in a way that isn’t conducive to achieve the goals that were dictated to me or that I want to achieve myself. And most importantly, I’m tired of part-time work. I am getting more hours as I it is coming up on our busy season, but its a lot of manual labor (which isn’t exactly a bad thing) but I am tired of my has turning color from coffee and flavorings.

Therefore, with renewed hope . . .I am looking for a new job.

2. Grandma broke her humorous . . .and it isn’t very funny. Grandma fell a week and a half ago and hasn’t been home since. She is in a nursing home for rehab in the hopes she will return home within a week or two. She it pissed and wants to go home right now. I go visit her after work almost every day to see her. I am suffering from what is termed caregiver burnout. I haven’t posted a new post because at night I come home tired and usually take a shower, maybe eat something and go to bed.

Whats most troubling is that mom, who moved here to help take care of her mother, isn’t doing so well. She has been diagnosed with AFib and given new medication which is working. Yet, my mother is also having stomach issues. She can’t eat without getting sick and has lost 15 lbs. within the past month. She has had a couple of test, one came out clean, the other we are still waiting on. I can’t imagine taking care of two people at the same time. However, I feel I will have to.

Resumes sent out this week: 0

Applications submitted this week: 0

Interviews scheduled for this week: 0

Thing I am most grateful for today: Storm Chasers (yes the tv show)

Yesterday I posted that I can’t wait for my life to start . . .or at least my post-graduate life to start. And by post-graduate life, I mean dating life. I was waiting to move to another place and start dating. However, since moving right now is out of the question, I have to start now or never.

Also yesterday, I asked how I was going to go about this. I posted on my Facebook account that I was looking for a bargain basement man. I got a few responses from a couple of friends. One was to go to Electric Cowboy (a chain cowboy bar). However, the Electric Cowboy in my town has actually turned into a cowboy bar. And you know that cowboys have a saying “No Fat Chicks!” So. . .let’s move on from that.

My friend David suggested that I deserve better than a bargain basement man. I told him that what I am looking at ain’t looking back at me . . .therefore I must bargain basement bin dive. I love you David . . .but let’s get real.

Another friend told me that I should find a guy in prison. Her rationale was that I could have all the fun (conjugal visits) without all the mess. I told her that I simply love her idea of practicality, but her romance was dead. No way did I want to have sex in a gray 8’x8′ room with only a bed that numerous people have had sex on. YUCK!

So . . .how am I gonna go about this?

I posted this little online story on my Facebook today

http://www.cnn.com/2010/TECH/social.media/11/03/online.dating.netiquette/index.html

I know we should drop the stigma of online dating. Like we should drop the stigma of mental illness or homosexuality. However, by participating in online dating I feel as if I am setting myself up for failure.

Some of you are asking why. It would probably appear that I have nothing to lose so why not go for it. Well. . . there is more at stake.

I have put up profiles on various websites. I have responded to various personal ads. And well . . .there hasn’t been any success. In fact, I feel as if I am a failure at love anyway. So when I find a guy on a personals ad, that seems to be pretty interesting and you send him a message and you get no response. And then you take a look at those men that looked at your profile and you feel a bit repulsed . . .I mean what about this does say failure . . .seriously.

Ok . . .I did say I want a bargain basement man. So what is my definition of a bargain basement man? Well, its different for every girl. Basically start out with your ideal man. I tend to go for the general tall, dark and handsome. Add a dash of muscles and outdoorsy-ness and a pinch of a man who isn’t afraid of hard work you pretty much got what I am looking for. Bargain basement version of this man would be tall, not dark and so-so in the handsome (personality makes up for that though) department. Muscles are vague, outdoorsy . . .well maybe not as much as I would like and someone who could still do some kind of hard work (like yard work).

So the term bargain basement man, is pretty harsh to say the least. I really don’t know of any man who would want to be considered a bargain basement man. And with this analogy I have decided that I am not ready to date! Therefore, off the market again to work on myself! YAY!

(In case you didn’t know, I am secretly afraid of dating. I look for any reason that I need to work on myself and take myself off the market!)

Resumes sent out this week: 0

Applications submitted this week: 0

Interviews this week: 0

Thing I am most grateful for: Having 2 jobs in a tough economy

This week I have come to the resignation that I will be in this town a couple of more years at least. It’s not so bad. I like living here. I was always going to come back here to retire, like my parents. I just haven’t seen as much of the world as they had when they were my age.

The biggest resignation that I had this week was the fact that if I want to start dating again I am going to have to do it here . . .in this town. The thought of this scares me as most personal ads for men my age have something in the first paragraph along the lines of “I have two sons that are my world,” or “I have the three-year old daughter who is the light of my life.”

Well if they are your world or the light of your life then why do you need a relationship. Isn’t having the light or the world enough?

I guess I should digress at that point. I guess these men want someone to have an adult conversation with . . .along with other adult fun. I also realize in this part of the country most men have been married and divorced at least once by the time they are my age. And as I and these men get older, the likelihood that they are going to have children goes up exponentially.

So I figure if I start dating now, I might be able to find a man with out kids . . .maybe. I just don’t know how to start this process. Any suggestions?

Resumes sent out this week: 1

Applications filled out this week: Still 0

Interviews set-up for this week:

Thing I am most grateful for today: Living upstairs

Thing I wish I had the most today: Outdoor cat

Thing I fear most: Snakes!

As I am writing this, there is a snake in my backyard . . .well it was out there about an hour again, so I migrated to my bedroom on the second floor. I realize that snakes can climb. Maybe not stairs by trees at least. Fortunately, there aren’t any large trees in my yard. And I am hoping that they can’t slither up vinyl siding.

I am afraid of snakes like some people of afraid of heights, or water, or spiders! While I feel that sometimes facing your fears can be a good thing, I also feel that not all fears need to be faced and conquered. And I am happy not to conquer this fear.

Why you might ask? Why should I not conquer this fear of snakes? Well, my answer my not be genetics, but I feel it was instilled in my at birth.

My mother has always had a healthy fear of snakes. When she was little she was a bit of a priss. She didn’t get dirty, unless she was gardening. While she and her siblings spent summers with my great aunt and uncle in the country, country critters weren’t her thing.

As a child she spent time in the hay barn and tended to some chickens, yet she stayed out of the hay loft. My cousins and uncles though one day it would be a hoot-and-a-half to play in the hay loft one afternoon. To their delight, there was a snake up there. Whether the snake was dead or they killed it is debatable at this point in time. But, the truth is, there was a dead snake . . .what could they do with it? Wouldn’t it be fun to play a trick with it?

My mother it seemed would eventually be the target of this trick. As she was exiting the barn below, my cousins and uncles dropped the snake from the hay loft door.

My mother vividly recalls the feeling of the dead snake as it wrapped around her and fell to the ground. She was paralyzed with fear and couldn’t move. She screamed and peed her pants at the same time. Her scream was so loud that my great-aunt heard it in the fruit and veggie cellar 3 acres away. My great-aunt came to my mother’s rescue. And wiped away her tears, got her a change of clothes, and beat the s*** out of my cousins and uncles.

Ok, with that being said, how does my mother’s story relate to me? Well thankfully I never had to endure what my mom went through. Yet, when confronted with a snake I have the same scream-at-the-top-of-my-lungs-paralyzed-with-fear-pee-my-pants kind of reaction. And I would be happy to never overcome this fear. And while fear is not something that can be passed through genetics, I believe that my mother’s fear is so strong, that something in her very being changed. And that change was passed to me.

What do you think?

Resumes sent out this week: Still 0

Applications send out this week: Still 0

Interviews for the week: Still 0

Thing I am most grateful for today: Money from my parents for allergy medication. Who knew the generic would cost $53.

So, big hot topic in the news the past week . . .BULLYINg

If you haven’t heard of Tyler Clementi, see the link below

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tyler_Clementi

Ok, with that being said, most of these weeks most noticable bullying stories come from 5 boys (including Clementi) who were bullied because of their sexuality or confusion there of. Not to say that these boys were confused about their sexuality, but most of them were under the age of 16, which is a time where sex in general is a confusing topic. Each of the five stories ends up the same. Each individual was bullied because of their sexuality and it ultimately ended in untimely suicides.

Teens have killed themselves over sexuality, lost romances, and general low self-esteem by bullies for years. I wonder why this is such a hot topic. With so many other gay issues (DADT, marriage, partner-rights, adoption) I wonder if this is just an agenda setting tactic to help keep gay issues in the forefront of people’s minds.

Ok, for those of you who regularly read my blog might be asking yourself, when did you get so down on the gays? I’m not down on the gays at all. I think what happened to Tyler Clementi was cruel to be sure. Did he deserve to feel like he was just a circus act and that his sexual escapades were up for the general public to watch, comment and criticize? Absolutely not. And, as I read earlier this week, gay teens are 8.4% more likely to commit suicide more than another teen group.

I recently read an article online from Parenting.com that discussed what steps parents should take when they find out that their child is the one doing the bullying. In most cases, bullies at a young age are suffering from self-esteem issues. They have either failed to gain friendship or lost friendship and that has created a loss of self-esteem. In other words, these children want there victims to feel as worthless as they feel. Something that parents have been trying to instill in the victims of bullying for years as well.

However, I believe that this is only part of the case. I believe that bullies have to learn this behavior somewhere. Whether its parents, teachers or other influential adults teach this behavior, under the guises that it is character building or it is all in good fun. Well, I can vouch for the fact that things done under the guise of all in good fun can hurt. I don’t believe the roommate of Tyler Clementi just thought I will stream this just because. I think it was instilled in him that it was ok and that it was all in good fun.

While I have dwelled on victims that have been bullied because of their sexuality, I don’t really want to dwell on this. Bullies bully anyone because of their shortcomings. And from someone who has been bullied for most of my life, there each person has their own shortcomings, so its easier to point out what you don’t like about someone else that to point out what you don’t like about yourself.

L.Z. Granderson is a columnist for ESPN. He regularly writes OP-ED pieces for CNN. His articles, much like the facets of his personality, are eclectic to say the least. While he is an openly gay man, he attempted suicide at the age of 12 because of bullying, but not because of his sexuality. Below is a link to the article he published this week. I hope this gives a look in the facets of bullying and brings more awareness to the situation.

http://www.cnn.com/2010/OPINION/10/05/granderson.it.gets.better/index.html